Armand Three: Uncomfortable Surprises

The end of the semester was just around the corner, with Remy and I becoming fast friends ever since the day his Frisbee had accidentally almost hit me. It was Thanksgiving break, and we were getting ready to part ways before we had to come back to take our final exams. Even though I had driven my car out to Louisiana, I decided to leave it in the dorm parking lot and take a flight back to California. I figured I would drive it home when the semester actually ended, thinking that it didn't make much sense for me to put all those extra miles on it if I was only going to be able to stay at home for one week before I had to drive back. I put my suitcase in the back of Remy's SUV, and climbed in the passenger seat.

Although it was only Thanksgiving break, Remy and I had been talking about living arrangements for the upcoming year, deciding that we wanted to live together in a two bedroom space. We hadn't decided whether we wanted an apartment or a house, but there was still lots of time for us to figure it out. There were plenty of places to live that were in town and off campus, yet still close enough to campus that it wouldn't take very long at all to get to class, which would give us the best of both worlds. We could still go to class as needed, but then not have to deal with the majority of the college students on campus if we didn't want to. Remy had been wanting to change his living situation because he had a crazy roommate who was tormenting him. His roommate had an OCD personality, and he was constantly paranoid about wanting to keep everything separate, making sure that all of Remy's stuff stayed on his half of the room. They didn't even share a refrigerator or a television, and Remy wasn't sure if he was an extreme germophobe in addition to his OCD, or if he just hated Remy for reasons unbeknownst to him.

Remy had volunteered to drive me to the airport before he went home to New Orleans. We stopped at a gas station before getting on the highway, to pick up some snacks and drinks to munch on in the car. We didn't stop to get a full meal because I was already going to be fed a meal on my flight, and New Orleans wasn't too far of a drive from the airport, so Remy figured he could save some money and just grab a meal once he arrived home.

"So, Armand, are you excited to go back home and see California again? I've never been there before, but it sounds like it would be relaxing."

"Actually, yeah, I'm looking forward to the California weather. I miss the beach and the breeze that comes off the water. My dad's house is right on the beach."

"Wow, that sounds amazing."

"It really is. Are you excited for home too?"

"Yeah, It is a really cool feeling to know I helped build the house I'm going to be sitting in, you know?"

"It does sound cool, I really enjoy the idea of creating something, whether it be a house, a music piece, or artwork."

"Do you have a lot of family members that come over during the holidays?"

"Not really, I have a small family, my dad, his girlfriend, and my grandparents. I don't have any siblings."

"No mom?"

"Nope."

I growled under my breath as I answered Remy's question, once again thinking about Mom and how sometimes I wished I could see her again, just to ask her why. Why did she treat me like I was nothing, why did she put me down constantly, and why did it feel like she hated me? Sometimes I wondered if Dad even knew the answers or if he was just as much in the dark as I was about Mom. I couldn't decide if the reason I kept thinking about her was if I missed her or if I just wanted my questions answered so I could have some closure and get on with my life.

"Me neither."

"Oh? I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I lost her in the hurricane. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, unfortunately. I miss her. I guess the other reason I got into construction was to keep myself busy so I didn't spiral into bad habits or depression. It was like my way of grieving too, a way to remember my mom. I wanted to build sturdy houses and places so that no one else would have to die crushed under a building like she did."

As I listened to Remy's explanation of his feelings and choices, I hoped one day I could be open with my feelings as well. I admired Remy's boldness to tell me things about himself, no matter how vulnerable it made him sound. I knew I was closed off because I had a fear of rejection and it was hard for me to open up to people because I thought one day I would say the wrong thing and they would hate me for it. Even now, after being friends with Remy for a solid four months, I still gave him vague answers.

"That's so sad, Remy, how she died. I'm really glad you figured out a way to move past it all and make it into a positive memory. My mom was also in the wrong place at the wrong time. I guess we have that in common too, huh?"

"I'm sorry about yours, too."

"Yeah, well, she most likely deserved it, so whatever."

"Ouch. I hit a nerve, my apologies."

"It's fine, she's just a touchy subject. I'm not mad at you, Remy. Don't worry about it."

One thing I did like about Remy was that he wasn't pushy. I knew I could be an explosive, tense person sometimes with my reactions, but he was always willing to just drop the subject and not try to get under my skin, which is exactly what I needed in a friend. Remy made me feel less broken, and I knew that's why I enjoyed his company so much.

Remy pulled up to the airport and parked the car, getting out to help me with my suitcase. Secretly, I was enthralled that we had arrived at the airport already because talking about our mothers was making me angry and I was irritated at myself that I had let the situation get tense in the car. Remy surprised me when he pulled me into a hug, and I felt slightly better that I hadn't pushed away my only friend. I was not used to people hugging me except for my dad because as far as I was concerned, I wasn't worth hugging. I had always convinced myself that my dad was the only one who truly loved me unconditionally. I double checked with Remy about when he was going to pick me up, and he said he had my itinerary in his suitcase so he would remember, and then we parted ways.

I slept most of the flight, except for when it was meal time, and before I knew it, I was back in California. As I walked into the arrival area, I searched for Dad, finally seeing him, and being surprised that Ephemera had come with him. I don't know why I was nervous that she was there, but I was, so I waved, and then tentatively went over to them. They were both grinning and obviously excited to see me. I flashed them a smile that didn't reach my eyes, not because I wasn't happy to see them, but because of my mixed feelings I had been having all day.

"Welcome home, Armand! We missed you!"

Both Dad and Ephemera hugged me, and then followed me to get my suitcase off the baggage claim. Ephemera had given me my second unexpected hug today, and my mind was reeling. I was quiet as we got in the car and drove home to the house that held lots of unpleasant memories for me. I looked out the window at the palm trees and gorgeous blue sky, still not sure how to feel since part of me was glad to be in familiar territory again, but the other part of me felt foreign and distant. It was a strange feeling, but maybe that's just what happens when you move away from home and go back to visit. It wasn't that I actually hated my hometown, I had just gotten so used to associating this place with disappointment that I didn't know how to associate it with happiness.

Today had been a whole slew of happy, and I was confused. My confusion was replaced with anger when we drove by the bakery that Mom had gotten the cake from, the cake that killed her. I no longer had a craving for red velvet cake. My mom took that away from me when she died picking it up for me. Red velvet cake equated to death in my eyes, the red dye in its crumbles symbolizing the color of thick red blood. Stupid fucking cake, I thought bitterly to myself. I closed my eyes for the rest of the drive home, trying to shut out the irritating thoughts of my miserable past.

I only opened my eyes when my body subconsciously knew the car had stopped moving. I groggily unbuckled my seatbelt when the door was opened by Dad.

"Hi sleepyhead. We are here, and I have a surprise for you."

I followed Dad and Ephemera upstairs, and they stopped outside my bedroom door. I wondered what was going on when Dad opened it with a proud grin on his face. I looked inside and was in awe of how it now was a much more grownup room than I had remembered it to be. Gone were the fighter jet wallpaper, the sailboat bed with a mast for a headboard, and the child appropriate pictures, replaced by sophisticated colored walls, a gorgeous full sized bed, brand new dresser, an easel, fresh paints and paintbrushes, complete with a cozy sitting area and television in a small nook. The only thing that remained was the small magician's hat chair, which I liked. I was speechless. Even as a teenager, my room had never been redecorated. My parents were always fighting, and they were too wrapped up in their own problems to work together to do anything for me.

"When... how... wow, thank you so much, Dad."

"You're welcome, but this wasn't all my doing. Ephemera helped too. After you left for college, I asked her to move in, and she stumbled upon your room. She was surprised that it still looked like a five year old lived here. She scolded me actually, for leaving it like that for so long. I'm so sorry, Armand, that things like your room went neglected while you were growing up."

"Did you know I always wanted a room that wasn't so child-like?"

"I think deep down I did, but I was always so depressed and worn out from dealing with your mother that I never found the energy to remodel.  I thought I had been doing the best I could with you as a child, but it turns out I was only doing half of the work needed. I'm sorry I never even got you a bed that was more grownup, even when you were a teenager. Is that why you never brought any friends over? Were you embarrassed about your room?"

My eyes welled up a little bit with fresh tears hearing Dad apologize to me for some of the things that hurt me as a child. I even felt a tear slide gently down my right cheek. So this is what it feels like to be apologized to.

"Yeah, my room did embarrass me, but that's not why I never brought people over. I just didn't have any friends."

"Oh, Armand."

A small gasp came from Ephemera and she had a sad expression on her face, one that looked like she was heartbroken from what I had just said. I wondered if she knew how much turmoil had actually taken place in her own sister's marriage. I had seen Ephemera around the house when I was little, so I was familiar with her, but despite her actually being my aunt, she was always Dad's work friend, just like Emmanuel. Seeing my dad's girlfriend care so much over a little statement I had made, when my own mother never even bothered to shed a tear for me over the big stuff, touched my heart a lot. I thought back to the day when I convinced Dad that it was okay to pursue Ephemera if that was what he wanted, and I was glad to see it had paid off. Throughout the whole day, Dad was back to the fun, energetic person I remembered him to be before all the crap with Mom started. I was excited that he was finally happy. I hugged Ephemera, whispering thank you into her ear as I did. She naturally put her arm around me, patting my back comfortingly as she said that she was sorry for what I had been through. What made me cry even more was that I couldn't remember the last time my mom had apologized to me.

After Ephemera and I were done hugging, both her and Dad stood there for a little while, probably to make sure I was okay. To tell the truth, I was still in a bit of shock from the day's events and just wanted to relax.

"All right, we'll let you unpack and get settled in. We'll go easy tonight, and just order some takeout for dinner, does that sound okay?"

I nodded my agreement and Dad and Ephemera headed out of my room. As I was just about to open my suitcase, I caught a glimpse of them through the window on my door. They were holding hands, something I'd rarely seen, if ever, Dad do with Mom. It was a tiny thing, but I'm sure it meant the world to my dad, as well as me. I had no idea being home was going to bring up such powerful emotions in me that didn't revolve around hate. I had been dreading coming back to the house, but things were looking up, it seemed.

I unpacked my suitcase, putting my clothes in my brand new dresser, touching the fancy handles as I did. For the first time that day, I smiled. Even if it was to myself, I felt good about it. I was touched that Ephemera and Dad had taken the time to remodel my room, but what made me feel even better was the expression of genuine concern on Ephemera's face when I had said I didn't have any friends. It was something I had seen in my Dad's face sometimes, but never from my mother. With my mother, there were nothing but scowls and mean glares. It was comforting and soothing to get a concerned look from someone that I might look to as a mother figure.

Still, I wasn't completely trusting of Ephemera. She seemed a little too happy to see me, as if she was buttering me up for something. I mean, I wasn't her son, she didn't need to treat me like one... yeah, I was technically her nephew, but we had never really acted like family before, although she was always kind in passing when I was a child. I knew she was good for my dad, that much was obvious, but I remembered how my mom came upstairs to my room that one day and used Mikayla, the little girl my age next door to manipulate me into going to Carisa's house. I thought briefly about Mikayla again, and wondered if we had been friends or not. Clearly, I didn't think we had been that close, considering I had just told Ephemera I had no friends growing up. Sighing, I felt scared that Ephemera might be manipulative like Mom had been. I had no basis for my fear, but sadly, I still couldn't believe anyone else but my dad loved me. I sighed loudly, annoyed at myself that I had turned a great moment into a sour one. Why do I have to think so much? Sometimes I wished I could turn off my own thoughts and just let myself stay in the moment, live life to the fullest. I headed downstairs for dinner, hoping that would make me feel better.

Yet more surprises awaited me as I entered the combination dining room kitchen area. The breakfast bar that I had often sat at watching my dad cook was no longer the only place where we could eat indoors. A fancy dining room table had been placed in the empty space by the windows. Ephemera was putting some food on the table, while Dad was getting silverware and drinks. Never had I seen my mom and dad do any sort of stuff like that. I don't think we even really had a family dinner. We just sat at the breakfast bar, all in a row, and Dad would talk to me, while Mom just scowled off into the distance. Then she would leave and go hang out by the pool next to the alcohol. I found it stupid that tiny things were causing me so much awe, and I felt like a child. I almost felt like an outsider, intruding on my dad's new-found happiness. Dad caught my eye, and waved me over to the table.

"Come on in, Armand! Dinner's ready. We ordered from your favorite restaurant."

I came inside the kitchen and sat down at the table, while Dad and Ephemera did the same. Ephemera flashed me a smile and I smiled politely back at her.

"This is new... I don't think we've ever had family dinner before, have we?"

Dad looked at me with a smirk and nodded his head, knowing exactly what I was referring to.

"No, we hadn't. Let's talk about happier times, though, eh Armand? Like I'm really happy to see you again. How has college been treating you?"

I was happy to see when Ephemera turned towards me and dad, showing genuine interest in our conversation. I felt bad for my earlier thoughts that Ephemera might be trying to manipulate me to get into my good graces.

"I got on the Dean's List, and I have a feeling I'm going to nail my finals."

"Oh, that's so great, Armand! It's good to hear you're doing so well."

"Thank you."

I shifted in my chair as I ate my food, still feeling wierd that I was actually having a family dinner and there was no yelling happening.

"Armand, are you all right?"

I didn't know how to respond to Ephemera's question because I didn't want her to feel like the changes she had made to the house were bad, although they were making me feel... different. Luckily, Dad stepped in and saved me, like he always did.

"We'd never really had dinner as a family before, Ephemera, so Armand's experiencing this as a really brand new thing, and with all new things, it's a bit strange."

"Gosh, I had no idea. I'm sorry. Katya sure did a number on you guys, didn't she?"

Both Dad and I smiled at Ephemera, however, neither one of us wanted to talk about Mom, so I took the liberty of changing the subject.

"How about you, Dad, how are you doing?"

"Pretty good. Magic's going well, and Ephemera has been keeping me happy and in check, both at work and here at home. Do you have any romance in your life?"

"No, I don't. I did make a new friend this semester though. His name is Remy Devereaux and I think we're going to live together next semester. He's really nice, and originally from Louisiana, so I have someone who can show me around."

"I'm glad you have a friend, Armand."

"Thanks, Dad."

Just then, Dad got a look on his face that was more than just a simple smile, and I noticed Ephemera start to look a little nervous as she glanced at him. I wondered what was going on between them, and then the thought that Ephemera was manipulating me surfaced yet again.

"Shall we tell him the news?"

"What news?"

"Armand, you know Ephemera and I have been dating since you were about fifteen. I asked her to marry me the other day, and she said yes. She's not wearing her ring because I wanted to tell you before you found out yourself by looking at her hand."

For the second time that day I was speechless, but this time it wasn't in a good way. It wasn't that I didn't like Ephemera, because I did, but all the changes were just too much all at once, and I just exploded.

"You're getting married again, Dad?! Do you not remember how well it turned out last time? I was fine with you dating her, but tying yourself to her? No offense Ephemera, but is this why you were being nice to me? So that I would just accept this and be okay with it?"

"No, Armand- I, of course not."

"Whatever."

I stormed out of the kitchen, out the same sliding door that I had seen my mother go out of so many times before when she walked away from dinner time, wondering when I had become so much like her, and hating every second of it.