Patrick Sixteen: Rocky Road

A year had passed since my honeymoon, and I was hanging out with Emmanuel at his house in what felt like forever. I still saw him at work, and if I needed him to build me something for work, but we hadn't had the chance to have a guys night since Armand was born. This was the first time since then that I was able to go to his house just to have a beer with him. Armand had recently turned five, about a week ago, and had started school, so he was becoming a little more independent, not needing constant attention anymore. For his birthday, I had bought him an easel because I had noticed that he really enjoyed his coloring books when he was younger, and I wanted to encourage him to continue using the creativity he had found, but on a larger scale. Emmanuel and I had gotten a six pack of beer from the store and were sitting in his workshop in his beanbag chairs.

"Emmanuel, how have you been? We can actually talk now about other stuff since we're not working."

"I know, right? I miss hanging out with you. I'm doing well, I started dating someone. You know him..."

"Really? Who is it?"

"Pierre."

"Oh yeah? Cool. I'm glad, you deserve someone really nice. Pierre is great. He gives good massages, I know that first hand."

We laughed, and I sat back in my chair, relaxing in it, sinking back into the soft fabric. I took a drink of my beer and smiled at Emmanuel.

"What about you, Patrick? How is everyone?"

"Pretty good, things are getting into sort of a routine now that Armand has school. He takes the bus, so we're trying to get him to understand he needs to go to bed at a certain time and wake up when the alarm clock rings because he has things to do now. It's his first time having a schedule, so he has to get used to that. Katya's good too, she decided she's going to be a stay at home mom until Armand gets older. I think she's making up for the time from before when she wasn't around much."

"That's great, I know how much trouble you had before, from the little things you'd tell me in passing. How are your parents?"

"Busy. Since Armand is older, and they don't have to babysit as often, they've been going back to work. My dad is filming a movie in Italy, and my mom is doing a runway show."

"Your parents are some of the most fun people I've ever met. I don't know how they do it all, and still remain so down to earth."

"Thanks. I'm seriously grateful for them."

I finished my beer and leaned forward in my chair to grab another one, sitting back in it again.

"Emmanuel, do you ever think about what happened the night of the accident?"

"Sometimes. I keep running through my head what I missed, like how did I not catch that the mechanism wasn't working properly. I know it's not my fault, but I wonder if I could have somehow prevented it."

"Did you see anything wierd while you were under the stage?"

"No, everything was perfectly normal. I think whoever did it must have done it long before we were scheduled to perform, probably early in the day or something."

"Hmm, yeah, it's wierd the police didn't find anything, but I guess some people just know what to do to avoid leaving evidence. It sucks that we're back at the bar now. Maybe we should try to get a gig at one of the other theaters."

"What about the Pantages? I wouldn't have suggested it before, but now that you're well known in the industry, they'll take you seriously."

My eyes widened when Emmanuel mentioned the Pantages. It was a theater in town with a rich history that had housed theater acts, musicals, magicians, and various other shows since its opening in 1930. That would be the theater that I would want to aim for to perhaps do a comeback show. I'd been out of the business for a long time, but Emmanuel was right, people knew me. I could just see it, 'The Hunter comes back with a vengeance,' or something. No coma could stop me from pursuing my dreams and what I wanted out of life. By now, both Emmanuel and I had finished our third beer each, so I was feeling a little buzzed. I jumped out of my chair and held my arms above my head, cheering for this new found excitement about my career. As I sat down again, I looked at the empty six pack container and frowned.

"We have no more drinks."

"Wait, I do have some vodka in the fridge behind you. We can drink that."

Emmanuel got the bottle out, took a drink, and handed it to me. We continued passing it to each other the rest of the night, celebrating our idea about possibly getting a gig at the Pantages.

I woke up with a pounding headache, and when I opened my eyes, I saw an empty beer bottle in front of my face. I looked around some more, and Emmanuel was also asleep on the floor with beer bottles around him. I don't know how we ended up on the floor, maybe the beanbag chairs were becoming awkward to sleep in. I stood up slowly in case my legs decided to not work, and headed to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. I made two cups and just as I was about to go back into the workshop with the coffee, Emmanuel came out and sat at one of the bar stools in the kitchen. I set the second cup in front of him and then sat next to him.

"Wow, we drank a lot last night, didn't we, Patrick?"

"Yeah, but we were celebrating."

"Oh, right! The Pantages. I had fun. I've missed hanging out with you."

"Me too."

I picked up my phone and looked at it, seeing that I had multiple missed calls from Katya. I didn't know why, considering I told her I was going to be hanging out having beers with Emmanuel, I hoped that she would know I wasn't about to drive home after drinking. Armand wasn't going to school today since it was Saturday morning, so it's not like she needed help getting him ready for school. Emmanuel noticed me looking at my phone with a less than excited expression.

"Patrick, what's wrong? Do you need some aspirin?"

"What? Ah, no. Katya called a lot. I told her I was going to be here drinking with you, so I don't know what it's about."

"How are you and her doing? I know you said last night things were fine and that she wanted to be a stay at home mom now, but are you really ok?"

"I think so. I mean, I'm glad that she wants to try with Armand, and she has, she spends more time with him than she ever did, but whenever he doesn't agree with her or listen, she looks to me to fix everything. Obviously, I'm the other parent, so I do know I'm responsible for helping her if Armand is being difficult, he's a child, he's got to learn, and Katya and I are supposed to teach him, but sometimes it feels like she would rather I do all the hard stuff, while she just gets to spend time with him when he's behaving. I guess I better call her back."

"Do you want me to leave and give you some privacy?"

"No, it's fine, you know about all my problems anyway. I'd rather you know."

I dialed Katya and braced myself in case she decided to yell at me. Before I had a chance to even say hello, Katya was already on the other end of the line reaming me.

"Patrick? Where have you been? How come you're not home yet? It's nearly noon!"

"I'm still at Emmanuel's. We drank a lot, so I didn't think that I should drive home, and we slept in because of how much we drank. I didn't think it would be a big deal since it's Saturday."

"It's always a big deal since you have a family now! You can't just go off with your friends and be irresponsible!"

"Whoa, Katya. I haven't really hung out with Emmanuel for over a year, and I've been there plenty for you and Armand. I haven't had a night to myself since we got married! Just cause I'm at my friend's house does not mean I'm trying to ignore my responsibilities!"

"It's irresponsible not to come home at night when you're married, Patrick!"

I rolled my eyes, getting up off the chair, and wandering into the living room to sit on the couch. I had a feeling this conversation was going to last much longer than I wanted it to. I didn't like that Katya was trying to lecture me about being a good husband. At least when I had a problem, I told her, instead of ignoring her like she often did with me. She made it sound like it was a bad thing that I had friends, and I was getting upset about it.

"Katya... I don't understand why this is a problem. I am with Emmanuel, he's my best friend. You couldn't give me one night to hang out with my best friend?"

"It's a problem because when you're with him you're not with me! I should be your priority!"

"Oh my god, Katya, I'm not thinking less of you when I hang out with my friend! I just missed him! I'm hanging up now and coming home."

"Good, cause that's where you belong!"

What the fuck? Where I belong?! Like I'm some caged animal?! Ugh. Mom and Dad's relationship made me more and more jealous every day. Growing up, I saw them having disputes, but they always managed to talk about things civilly, and rarely did they ever yell or scream at each other. I always knew they loved each other, even in the middle of their arguments. Their relationship never seemed difficult. It's not to say I thought their relationship was effortless, I know everyone has stuff to deal with, but I never saw Mom or Dad try to control or change each other, which made me think that's why it did seem easy. I learned that from my parents, never wanting to change Katya, but rather trying to accept her for who she was and I couldn't understand why she didn't do the same for me. I didn't think I was a bad husband or father, fuck, I was the one who was there for most of Armand's formative years. I wasn't about to throw that in Katya's face though, because I knew that me saying that would solve nothing and just cause another argument.

I sighed heavily and put my phone back in my pocket, rubbing the bridge of my nose and not making any motion to get off the couch I had made my way to during the phone conversation. I continued sitting there, staring at the wall, not wanting to go home now because I knew Katya would be all irritated with me, but I couldn't stay here longer, or her anger would fester, and she would be even more mad at me. Emmanuel came over and was sitting in the arm chair, looking at me with concern in his eyes.

"Patrick?"

"Yeah... I guess I have to go home now. She's super pissed at me, but I don't even fucking understand why. I think she doesn't want me to be friends with you or something. That's not happening though, you're important to me too. Just because I have a wife it suddenly means I'm supposed to cut everyone else out of my life? What the fuck is that?"

"I'm sorry."

Emmanuel got up from the chair, and gave me a big hug, which I really needed at that moment.

When I pulled into my garage and entered the house, Armand came running up to me and gave me a hug.

"Daddy! Daddy! Did you have fun with your friend?"

I instantly felt better when I heard him ask me such a simple question, and I felt like this is how my family should treat me, my family should miss me when I'm away, not yell at me for going somewhere. I could understand if I spent the majority of my nights away from home that it would become a problem, but one night?

"Hey Armand. Yes, I did have fun. How about you? Did you enjoy spending time with Mommy?"

"I guess so. She kept saying I needed a haircut, and that she was going to take me tomorrow, but I like my hair. No, I love my hair. I don't want to go."

I sighed, wondering why Katya had to do this kind of stuff. If she wanted to hang out with Armand to get to know him better, why did she have to impose herself on him, and make him feel like he couldn't do what he wanted? It's not like his hair was so long he was tripping on it or anything of that sort, it wasn't causing him any grave danger, and he had never complained that he couldn't see with the hairstyle that he had.

"Well, I'll talk to her tonight about your haircut, and see if I can convince her you don't want one. I think that you loving your hair is a good enough reason for you to keep it the way it is."

"Thank you, Daddy! I wish Mommy could be like you. She's so bossy sometimes."

"Your mom just wants what's best for you. I know it can seem like she's mean, but she does love you."

"Daddy, are you tired? I want to play with you, but I know you just got home. I want to go to the playground."

"Ahh, well if you wait for me to change my clothes and wash my face, I can take you. I just don't want to play tag or anything, I think I'm too tired for that. Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah! Can I wait in your room for you?"

I nodded at Armand and he followed me to my room, then sat on the bed while I got ready. As soon as I got into the bathroom, I rubbed my face, trying to get the feeling of hangover out of my head. I was a little surprised Katya hadn't pounced on me at the front door since she was so mad at me for spending the night at Emmanuel's. I had noticed that Katya had two different ways she would get angry, one was that she would pester and call excessively, like she had last night and this morning, and the second was ignoring me. I seriously hoped Armand wouldn't pick up on her ways of stuffing his emotions inside and holding grudges.

As I splashed some cold water onto my face, it woke me up and I took some aspirin as well before leaving the bathroom. I changed my clothes, put on a pair of sunglasses and walked out of my closet.

"Hey, Armand, let's go."

"Daddy, you look so cool!"

As we walked through the rest of the house, I looked for Katya so I could tell her where we were going. I finally found her sitting in the kitchen, reading a book.

I told Armand to wait for me by the door and then I went into the kitchen. When Katya saw me, her reaction to the fact that I was home was completely different from that of Armand's.

"It's about time you got home! You didn't even come to say hi? I see you've changed clothes already. Is that how much of a priority I am to you?!"

"Katya, please, Armand is right by the door. If we're going to fight, we shouldn't do it in front of him."

"I wouldn't have to fight with you if you would just come home!"

"I don't understand why this is a problem. This is the one time I went to see my friend, one time. Every other night since you moved in, I've been home."

"That's where it starts, don't you get it? You can't spend a single night away, or you'll get comfortable with it, and then pretty soon you'll be spending all of your nights away!"

"What are you talking about? I didn't go to Emmanuel's to avoid you, I went there because I missed him and we were catching up. That's what friends do. I slept on the floor, you really think I prefer the floor over my own bed?"

"He must not be that good of a friend if he let you sleep on the floor."

"What is going on here? I thought you liked Emmanuel. We were drunk, and not in his bedroom, so we passed out on the floor."

"I do like him, but he's your employee. He works for you, and he shouldn't be making you take time away from your family! You should see him at work, but then that's it!"

"Oh my god, Katya! What terrible thing happened while I was away that is making you so upset?"

"You're a grown man! So man up and be responsible! Grown men don't get drunk and pass out on their friend's floors! Ugh! Stop acting like a teenager! You have a family now! You're setting a terrible example for Armand coming home all hungover, with bloodshot eyes! He's going to think it's okay to have a relationship with someone and not pay any attention to them!"

That was it. Now I was angry. I had been willing to discuss this like two civil adults when Katya first started yelling, but now she was insulting me, and telling me I was a bad example? The nerve of her. I was the one who took care of Armand when he was still in diapers, I was the one who played with him, I was the one who tended to his crying most nights, but I was the bad guy? In my mind, she was the one who was teaching Armand that it was okay to ignore someone when you were mad at them, which is what she did for the first few years of his life. I had been trying my hardest not to throw that in her face, but somehow it just all exploded to the surface at this very moment.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! I was the one who took care of Armand when he was a baby, and spent most of my time with him, when you were nowhere to be found! I know that's a horrible thing to say, which is why I never said it, but now you're telling me that I'm behaving badly and that I haven't been there for you and him, which is just ridiculous! Yet I'm the bad example? What is wrong with you, Katya? I don't even understand why you are fighting with me right now. Grown ups can have friends, and drink with them every once in a while. It's not like I do this every night. It's not like we went to a bar so we could flirt with strangers. We stayed at his house after going to the fucking Wal-mart to buy a six pack of beer! Then we hung out and talked all night. I didn't drive home because I was drunk, which in my mind, was the actual responsible thing to do!"

Katya glared at me with her pale blue eyes, now silent probably because she knew I was right, but not wanting to admit it. I took the moment of peace to tell her what I had been trying to do in the first place.

"Anyway, I came in here to tell you Armand and I are going to the playground."

"Whatever. Just make sure he's rested for tomorrow. I scheduled an 8 o'clock haircut for him."

"He told me he didn't want the haircut because he likes his hair."

"That's irrelevant. He needs to have a more put together look. The other moms talk, and they say I'm not a good one because Armand looks like he just crawled out of a hole in the ground."

I grit my teeth at how rude the other moms could be, all because of a simple hairstyle. Who were they to judge my son? He looked completely fine, it's not like he never took a bath or wore ratty clothes.

"So you want to teach him to conform to everyone else's opinion? I completely disagree with that, I will not have our son learning that other people's opinions are more important than what he feels. What's irrelevant is the opinion of the other mothers. I think Armand looks fine, he looks stylish because he doesn't have the same boring hair as the other kids. So, you can try to make him go to his haircut, but if he tells you no tomorrow morning, don't force him to go. Our son needs to learn that he can have a choice about certain things in his life, and his appearance should be one of those things."

Katya and I stared at each other for another minute, and I felt like I was in a gunslinger battle, ready to duel. Armand had waited long enough, so I turned around and left, taking him to the playground like I had promised.