Friday, August 8, 2014

Patrick Twenty-Two: I Won't Bother You Anymore

After about another year of fighting with Katya, we decided to go see her therapist together for marriage counseling. I tried to stop moping around, or at least tried not be so obvious about the fact that I was depressed, but Katya still picked on me and said I should smile more. I tended to space off a lot, and she yelled at me for that too, saying I needed to be there not just physically but emotionally as well. I agreed with her, but I just couldn't get myself to smile or be completely there. I wanted to be happy, but it was like a part of me had died, and it wasn't as easy to get it back as Katya thought it was. Today we were at Beachfront Wellness, in the waiting room for another one of our sessions. I hoped that it was helping, but I wasn't sure.

"Katya, do you still love me?"


"What kind of stupid question is that? Of course I love you. The reason I keep having to tell you to be happy is because I love you. I want you to be happy."

I smirked and looked away, not completely convinced of her answer. I don't even know how I got to this point in my marriage. She used to be so cute and innocent, but ever since she had Armand she's changed. Sometimes I wondered if she regretted having Armand, like if he wasn't there would our marriage be happier? She and Armand keep their distance for the most part, she's always civil to him when they do talk, but they never seek each other out. I was confused because as much as she doesn't seem to act like she loves him, she always uses him as an excuse to tell me why I should be fine. 'We should be enough for you, Patrick,' yet I know Armand doesn't make her happy. The receptionist told us her therapist, Dr. Sheffield, was ready to see us, so we went into his office and sat down.

"Welcome back, Patrick. Katya. How are you today?"


"The usual. He's mopey, and I just want what's best for him. Earlier in the lobby he questioned if I still loved him. Ridiculous."

I sat there, looking at the therapist and trying my hardest not to roll my eyes at Katya because she was acting like a stranger. I felt her eyes on me, trying to guilt me into admitting that I was the one with the problem. I was sick and tired of her blaming me for everything that was wrong with our marriage. As far as I was concerned, she was just as much to blame as I was.


"Why did you think that was a ridiculous question?"

"He should just know I love him. Everything I've done has been because I love him."

"Patrick, what are your feelings about what Katya just said?"

"I feel like if she loves me, she should try to understand me. Everything she says she's done for my benefit, has been what she thinks should make me happy, not what actually makes me happy."


"God, Patrick, you're like a broken record. Magic is the only thing that makes you happy? What about me? What about Armand? You're so selfish!"

"Oh I'm selfish? I went and got a job that you wanted me to get because it would make you feel better, and I'm selfish?! I don't understand why I can't have both, why can't I do what I want and also be happy with my family?"

I turned to Dr. Sheffield, riled up from what Katya just yelled at me about, again.

"See, Dr. Sheffield? She guilts me into these things, and makes me feel bad for having an interest! I'm not a fucking robot, why should I act like one? Why should I pretend that I don't need more than my family to be happy? Why is having something other than my family wrong?!"


Truthfully, I did feel like a broken record. I felt defeated because talking to Katya was like talking to a brick wall. She wasn't willing to just accept the fact that I changed my job for her, she wanted me to be something I wasn't, and she wanted me to be happy about it.

"First off, Patrick, it's not wrong to like things other than your family. That's human nature. Katya, why do you think it's so wrong for Patrick to want things for himself? Is there nothing that you want for yourself?"

"It's because what he wants is dangerous for our family, and I want him to be safe. I don't want to lose him. I just want him."

"Patrick, what do you think about that?"

"I understand that she doesn't want to lose me, but I think that can be interpreted two ways. She doesn't want me to fall victim to the person who put me in a coma all those years ago, but she's losing me every day the more she chooses to misunderstand me."


I glanced over at Katya, and she was sitting there, looking as if a train had hit her. For the first time, I felt as if she actually heard the words I was saying. The three of us sat there in silence for a few minutes, and then Katya spoke.

"I had no idea, Patrick. I'm so sorry."

"That's good! You guys have made progress today. I'm proud of you."


After our session was over, Katya and I rode home in silence. I wondered if she had meant her apology as I dropped her off at home and went over to Emmanuel's house. We then walked over to the bar I used to perform at when I was just starting out. I hadn't been there since my wedding reception. When I walked in, I noticed they had gotten new floors, and light fixtures.

"Hunter! Long time, no see! How are you?"

"Well you know, just living life."

"We've missed you around here since you moved on to bigger and better things."

"Thank you. I've missed it here as well."


I smiled weakly as I ordered my food. The combination of the bartender's warm smile and hearing my stage name again made me nostalgic for the past. I couldn't believe how much my life had changed and how simple things used to be back then. Emmanuel and I sat down to eat, and I felt numb, staring at my food as I raked my fork through it.

"Patrick, how did therapy go? Are you all right?"

"I miss my life, Emmanuel. I don't know where it went. I love my family, but things are just so wierd and different now. Katya apologized in therapy, but I don't know if she meant it."

Emmanuel looked at me sadly, and continued eating.


"I don't know what to do. I mean, I could keep going on like this, but I hate the way I feel every day. I know I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing, but I feel trapped."

"You need an outlet, Patrick. How long as it been since you performed a magic trick?"

"Years. I mean, I still play around with those parlor tricks at home, but performing? Not since the Pantages."

"What if you just did simple gigs here on the weekends or something? Do you think Katya would go for that? I know it's not the dream you wanted, but if you were able to do a little of it, maybe it would bring you back to life. You look like you're broken, Patrick. Every time we hang out now, it's like a dark cloud follows you everywhere. I hate seeing you like this."


"Thanks for your concern, Emmanuel, sometimes I feel like you're the only one who sees me. I don't think Katya would go for it, it really feels like she doesn't want me to like magic anymore."

"She seriously just gets upset with you if you perform at all? I thought she was just scared of that threat, which I still think is Jaxson."

"That's what I thought too, but after five months, and even after no more threats or anything suspicious, she still forced me to quit. I don't know. I think there's something else she doesn't like that she's hiding from me. I think it was Jaxson too. He probably got jealous of me and wanted the spotlight all to himself again. Before me, he was the only real big act in town, right?"


"Yup, that's right. It sounds like you're right on the money, Patrick. He was very egotistical during the last few months of our relationship. I could totally see him getting jealous and trying to eliminate competition."

"Ugh. I'm still pretty pissed off that it's like he won. He eliminated me as his competition. I mean, obviously, I'm still well known, but I'm inactive, discarded. I never thought this is how my career would end, you know? At the hands of my woman. I'm whipped, Emmanuel, unto infinity."

"Aww, dude, you're not whipped. You're thinking about Armand, I know you did it for him. That's honorable, and it shows how great of a father, and person, you are."


My heart warmed at Emmanuel's kind words, but I was still troubled. We finished our chicken wings, and I sat there trying to enjoy myself. Emmanuel was right, on both counts, I was broken, and I was also a good person. I thought more about Emmanuel saying I just needed an outlet. If I kept working at the office like Katya wanted, and then did some small entertainment at the bar, I could get the satisfaction of doing what I loved again minus the fear.



I looked down at The Hunter and Emmanuel, sitting there together. I knew The Hunter was straight, but I couldn't help feeling jealous that he got to spend time with Emmanuel instead of me. I missed him, and part of me wished things had gone better between us. The guy I had cheated on Emmanuel with was just a meaningless fling. The other part of me did remember how annoying Emmanuel could be though, he didn't understand the spotlight, he just kept being mad at me when I would bask in its glow. I didn't think flaunting myself a little was that bad. I was enjoying my success, but Emmanuel always thought I needed to be more grounded.


My plan to win Emmanuel back had completely backfired, however. Even when The Hunter was in that coma for three months, Emmanuel was by his side. Sometimes I wondered if he was secretly in love with The Hunter, which served to fuel my jealousy. I threatened The Hunter that night because I thought if he dropped out of the magic business, maybe Emmanuel would get desperate for work and come back to me. I don't think I gave Emmanuel enough credit, though. He's smart, and loyal, that's the only reason he stayed with me for so long after I started driving him crazy.


I saw Emmanuel get up and head over towards the bathrooms, so I decided to follow him. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I just wanted to talk to him. I stopped him just before he went into the restrooms. He looked shocked, which I expected.

"What the fuck, Jaxson..."

I put my arm around his back and pulled him close to me while touching his cheek. He surprised me by putting his hand on my arm.

"I miss you."

"No, we're not doing that again. I know what you did to Patrick, you dick. He's miserable, and I'm not forgiving you for that. You helped ruin my best friend's life."


"Ugh, Emmanuel, he's straight. You can cut the shit, you don't have to be so loyal to him. You don't work for him any more and you can't fuck him, no matter how much you want to. I can tell you are in love with him, but you can never have him."

"What are you talking about? He's my best friend, of course I'm going to be loyal to him."

"I know you're pent up, darling."

"Shut up, I'm seeing someone. So you can let me go now."


I got angry and let go of Emmanuel, but when he tried to walk past me, I pushed him once on his chest to keep him where he was. I didn't think that he was seeing anyone, every time I saw him, he was with The Hunter. He didn't have time for a boyfriend.

"What the fuck, Jaxson?! We're not connected anymore, you have no right to be pissed off at me for living my life! Get off me!"

Emmanuel pushed me against the wall with his fists around my shirt. I was getting turned on by how angry he was, but he was looking at me with hate in his eyes, which made me sad. I realized it was pointless for me to continue pursuing him because I had no chance of getting any sex from him tonight. I nodded, and Emmanuel pushed me again once, before leaving and going into the restroom.


After Emmanuel left, I stayed by the wall, saddened that I had been acting so erratically towards him. He didn't deserve that bullshit. He was the nicest guy I'd ever been with, and I threw it all away because of my giant ego. Sometimes I could be such a fuck up, but one thing was for sure, since my plan to get Emmanuel back hadn't worked, I would leave both him and The Hunter alone for good. I went back out to the restaurant area and saw him over by the karaoke machine. I had decided to leave the bar, but before I did, I stopped behind Patrick.

"I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, Hunter. I shouldn't have let my jealousy determine my actions. Take care of Emmanuel, he's a good one. I won't bother you any longer."


"Are you confessing to being my tormentor?"

"Yes."

24 comments:

  1. i was not expecting that from jaxton and i'm glad katya and patrick actually making progress. she finally gets she is losing patrick through her behavior.

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    1. :D Glad I could surprise you.
      We'll see if Katya fully wakes up to the problem... :)
      Thanks for reading and commenting. :)

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  2. Ok I always thought it was Jaxson but didn't think it was because he was jealous of Patrick's friendship with Emmanuel. He's a little messed up. Katya seems to have had a break through during therapy but I wonder if she'll actually change and let Patrick go back to magic. I wonder if she even knows the concept of compromise. I like Emmanuel's idea of gigs on the weekend.

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    1. Heehee, yeah, there really wasn't anyone else it could be besides Jaxson, which is why I threw in the little twist of him being jealous. Jaxson has his own demons that he's going to have to deal with, but at least now he's realizing he has to put Emmanuel in the past or he'll never heal.
      Katya did have a small breakthrough, but we'll have to see if she actually applies what she learned to their marriage, or if she just keeps being stubborn. Hmm that's an interesting thought, about whether Katya knows what compromise is. She didn't see a whole lot of it growing up, so not really? It is something she should have picked up in her life as she grew older and lived life on her own, but some people never learn.
      Yeah, Emmanuel is making good suggestions to help Patrick out of his depression. He's a good friend.

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  3. I am fucking stunned by the way Katya is acting. I'm so glad that they're seeing a councilor, but I feel like the title set me up for a twist ending. I totally thought Katya was going to pull a "well, if you can't be happy with our family then we won't bother you any more - here's the divorce papers." Lol

    Unfortunately I don't know if it'll matter to Katya that Jason admitted to it and said he'll be leaving him alone. She's probably going to believe some paranoid stupid thing like - oh he's trying to make you drop your guard. :sigh:

    I hope Katya did finally wake up a little there. Maybe hearing the truth of the way he feels and how it's effecting them in that setting - where she's used to being open and perceptive - will help her actually realize that sometimes "compromise" means she has to give in a little too - not just him giving in to her.

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    1. >:D Heehee, I was hoping the title would make people wonder. Deep down, Katya loves Patrick, I know, she's doing a shitty job of showing it, LOL, but her massive campaign of needing to keep him safe is her way of wanting to be with him. Twisted... LOL.

      You're right on the money there, Katya will be paranoid and say stupid things. She's a fear driven person, which makes her a pretty irritating person to live with.

      Hopefully, being the operative word, *sigh* Katya will figure out that Patrick needs his magic just as much as he needs his family. She also didn't answer part of Dr. Sheffield's question about "Is there nothing that you want for yourself?" Her answer was that she just wanted Patrick, but she might not be telling the whole truth. Yeah, Patrick's not going to put up with this forever, something's going to have to change, she's pretty much taken everything he has at this point.

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  4. Katya is just blowing my mind right now. How could she be so oblivious to all of this? Patrick's right, she's definitely being the selfish one.. I just hope she meant her apology to him :/ She didn't really seem to want to talk about herself, either, she just made it all about Patrick. >:[
    Patrick talking to Emmanuel made me so sad for him, I'm actually surprised Katya let Patrick go and hang out with him hahaha He really does seem like he's hating his life, though, I really hope things can change for him for the better T_T
    O_O Jaxson's back.. And he admitted to hurting him! UGhh! What an asshole.. I guess he didn't really realize how badly he messed up Patrick's life when only trying to get Emmanuel back.. Wow. Such a twist, loved it! Can't wait to read more :D

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    1. Katya is such a withdrawn person most of the time, always stuck in her own head, so it leads to her being stupidly oblivious to everything around her. She's selfish because she always thinks about how Patrick's actions affect her without even thinking about how her actions affect Patrick. In therapy, she was shocked about the revealing thing Patrick said, so it made her think for a split second about how she's been treating him. It wouldn't take very much for her to be mad at him again though, since she is so selfish. *sigh* You are correct, her attitude was 'fix Patrick' instead of 'fix the marriage' and that's not good.
      LOL yeah, now that Katya has her friend Carisa, and she's not really getting along with Patrick that well, she's a little more okay with him going to hang out with Emmanuel. He totally does hate his life right now. Emmanuel's suggestion is a step in the right direction which Patrick is going to take advantage of.
      Jaxson is an asshole, he has lots of issues, and he's selfish, so he didn't even think about how his wanting Emmanuel back would hurt Patrick so much. He realizes now that he was stupid and he should never have done that.
      Thanks so much, :) I felt like people would know that it was Jaxson because logically it wouldn't make sense for anyone else to be tormenting Patrick, so I thought changing up the reason Jaxson did it would throw people off. :)
      I'm happy it worked and that you enjoyed it. XD

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  5. Hahahaha... Life why do you hate me? Lol. I was and still am extremely sick right now, so I had to come back again to comment XD

    Katya... *Sighs* I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't get it through her head this time around. I just hope she thoroughly processes that sentence that made her go "Oh, I finally realize". Gosh. She like pretty much blocked out everything before this chapter.
    It wouldn't make any sense if it wasn't Jaxon. If he'd leave Patrick alone, and try to get Emmanuel back with out poking his head into Patrick's life, it'd be golden. I don't really blame him on how he admitted it. I mean like if I was that twisted and cruel, I'd probably just be cornered into the corner and the guilt would build up eventually and then I'd say it the same way he did.
    Anyways, amazing chapter, made my day! Can't wait until another one is published.

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    1. Katya's such a loner that she's always stuck with her own thoughts, so much, that she's oblivious to things happening around her. She may have meant her apology at the time, but it wouldn't take much for her to get mad about something again because she's very involved in how Patrick's actions affect her.
      Haha, that's the exact reason the tormentor turned out to be Jaxson. Logic says no one else would have a reason to do that sort of stuff to Patrick. Jaxson's selfish too, he just wanted Emmanuel, but he failed to see how his actions would affect Patrick's life, and he didn't really care up until now. He felt remorse now, seeing the damage he's done, and after talking to Emmanuel again and realizing there's no hope there, he was willing to surrender and apologize.
      Aww, thanks so much, I'm glad this could make you feel better. I hope you get well soon. :)

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  6. Oh, wow. I wouldn't have guessed Jaxson was capable of actually caring about someone else and even do the decent thing and confess, if only to Pat... interesting...

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    1. LOL, yeah, as big of an asshole as Jaxson is, he really did love Emmanuel, still does, but he fucked it up too much, and Emmanuel wants nothing to do with him. Turns out he did mean his apology note to Emmanuel back in chapter 5, eh?
      Jaxson's not stupid, and he knows when he's been defeated, so realizing that there was no point in him torturing Patrick anymore, led him to confess to Patrick and reassure him that he would be leaving him alone now.
      Love makes people do strange things a lot of times.

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  7. I love the twists you put us readers through. I'm glad that Katya recognizes that they have problems, but I still have a feeling that its not going to end well for the both of them...

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    1. Awww thanks. :D I like the shock value, you could say, LOL. I also like to challenge myself to come up with different ways to do something that might seem obvious. Heehee... they're making progress today, but their marriage is way too fucked up for a few therapy sessions to fix. Until real change comes from within, it won't get better.

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  8. So what does this mean for Patrick returning to performing since Jaxson is out of the picture? I can't believe that he confessed! I kind of feel sorry for him since he seems so lonely but at the same time he's so messed up! Just great writing on your part!

    I just don't know if I can believe Katya at this point. Maybe what Patrick said got throught to her but for how long? She seems to sometimes get better and then reverts back to the demanding, selfish person she is. I guess we'll see. . .

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    1. Haha, you'll just have to read on to find out what happens with Patrick and performing. Jaxson's intelligent, so he knew when things were just becoming pointless. Emmanuel's firm way of turning him down resonated permanently with Jaxson, and he knew there was no chance of him ever getting back with Emmanuel. Therefore,he didn't need to fuck with Patrick anymore. Jaxson can be egotistical and annoying, but deep down he just wanted some love, but he went about it the wrong way, and let pride fuck up his relationship in the first place. He's also not evil, so he felt like he should tell Patrick to ease Patrick's mind. Haha, thank you. ^_^

      You're right, Katya is very up and down. One day she'll be fine, the next, she'll be crazy and making up excuses again instead of facing her life. I didn't even believe her words when I was typing their dialogue at the therapy session. LOL. I was thinking she would try to get better, but not really want to deep down, so later, everything would just blow up again. XD

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  9. Wow, they decided to see a therapist and that still isn't helping. "The usual. He's mopey, and I just want what's best for him. Earlier in the lobby he questioned if I still loved him. Ridiculous." Did she seriously just say that? Katya needs to just take a look at what she's done and stop putting off Patrick's true desire. I'm glad Patrick realizes he's starting to sound like a broken record, something has to give. Hopefully Katya was sincere with her apology because I don't know if their relationship can survive anymore arguing. I think he should do 50/50 between office work and small little magician gigs here and there. *Claps for Jaxson* Finally he decided to man up and confess. It sucks he destroyed all his chances of possibly getting back with Emmanuel but it is what it is, maybe Emmanuel will forgive him. I always had a feeling someone would accuse Emmanuel of being in love with Patrick since they're so close.

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    1. Yup, Katya has the wrong attitude when it comes to marriage counseling, she thinks "Fix Patrick" instead of "fix the marriage." LOL, she was really rude with that comment. It's completely normal for Patrick to wonder if Katya still loves him because she's not been acting like it. She's taken away everything that made him unique at this point, and it's hurting him a lot. Patrick hated repeating himself but she keeps making him do it because she's not letting him do the one thing that will give him a solution to his problem.

      Aww haha, I like that you were proud of Jaxson. He may be an asshole with a giant ego, but that softer side of him finally showed itself, and he tried, even though it was too late. At least now Jaxson can move on with his life and maybe find some happiness. Uh huh, the nature of their relationship was always up in the air from outside eyes because Emmanuel likes men. XD

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  10. I'm glad that Patrick and Katya are still trying to make their marriage work and are seeing a marriage counselor. Seriously, Katya?! You had no idea?! *shakes head* This freakin' broad. lol

    I'm so glad that Patrick has Emmanuel as a friend. He's such a good one. I hate that Patrick is so miserable in his life, though. Poor guy. *gives hug*

    Jaxson?! So he did mean his apology. He is the bad guy! Kinda. ;) He has a funny way of winning back the guy he loves though, huh? Ugh, why do these people let their egos get to them and then ruin their lives and the lives of those they care about? I love how you made his reasons for all the shady stuff he's done be because of his jealousy and desire to get Emmanuel back rather than because he was envious of Patrick's fame kind of surpassing his. Great twist, there. Really loved this chapter! :)

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    1. LMAO "this freakin' broad" <-- I laughed at that, that was just awesome. Katya is really stupid most days, and she can't see anyone's side but her own because she really thinks she's doing the right thing. Patrick loves her and he wants her to just be normal again, be the girl he fell in love with. He has hope for her, but she keeps dashing his hopes at every turn.

      Emmanuel is the greatest best friend ever. LOL. I like giving my heirs a good guy best friend, I feel like every person needs that in their life, someone they can always talk to who is unconditionally caring. :/ Patrick hates his misery too, he wishes that anything he does to try to fix it would work.

      Yes, Jaxson meant his apology. Well.. he's stupid. LOL. He's got a big ego, and he's selfish too, but he was man enough to realize his own stupidity and admit it. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty, and it hit Jaxson pretty hard when Emmanuel made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Jaxson anymore. Thank you! I figured that people would suspect Jaxson from the start simply because of who he was, so I thought that changing his reason for being shady would be a good way to surprise people.

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  11. Guess it was good to see them go to therapy but I still don't like her any more. The way she acts, the things she says, how she treats her husband and son. She so concerned about family yet she the reason life is so fucked up.

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    1. Yeah, Patrick is trying anything and everything to get through to her. He doesn't know if she meant her apology, but he's leaning towards not. She's become a giant bitch and she doesn't actually know the meaning of family because her actions don't match her words in the slightest. However, in her stupid head, they make complete sense.

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  12. I like the sign that Patrick was sitting in front of while in the office "Live your Life" which is exactly what he needs to do. Hopefully its without Katya because she is too controlling for anyone. Now that Jaxzon confessed and is going to leave him alone there is no reason why he can't go back to magic and I hope that is exactly what he does.

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    1. Heehee thanks, I strategically made Patrick sit in front of that sign. I like how you're on the Dump Katya wagon, LOL, I feel like you should have a tshirt that says that on it. XD So true, no reason now that should stop Patrick from living again, wheeee!

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Rated: R. Echoes of Eternity is a chronological story best read from Chapter One. It will deal with topics of all kinds, including some that are uncomfortable.

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