Armand Sixteen: Sense of Hope

FYI, Music Track - When it shows up, play if you want to listen

---

It might seem crazy what I'm about to say

Sunshine, she's here, you can take a break

I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space

With the air, like I don't care, baby by the way

Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like that's what you want to do

Here come bad news talking this and that

Well, give me all you got, and don't hold it back

Well, I should probably warn you, I'll be just fine

No offense to you, don't waste your time, here's why

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like that's what you want to do

Happy

Can't nothing bring me down, can't nothing bring me down

When love is too high

Can't nothing bring me down, can't nothing bring me down

When love is too high

Can't nothing bring me down, can't nothing bring me down

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like that's what you want to do

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like that's what you want to do

Happy

Can't nothing bring me down, can't nothing bring me down

When love is too high

Can't nothing bring me down, can't nothing bring me down

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like that's what you want to do

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like that's what you want to do

~~~ Happy, by Pharrell Williams ~~~

---

I could swear I felt like I was floating when I walked into the park. Today I was meeting Armand in the same place where I had talked with him about standing up to my father regarding me moving out. It was as if I was coming full circle in my growth as a person, here is where my journey to get out of my father's overbearing clutches had started, and here I am again after taking the first steps on that journey. Once I sat down, I became contemplative, as if everything that happened this past month and half had been a dream. I couldn't believe how much time had passed since we'd had that conversation, and that I had actually done it. Almost dying at the hands of my own father gave me a new lease on life that I was so grateful for. I had been fearful, and my bravery had almost cost me my life, but I felt like a superhero for surviving. I felt exhilarated knowing that my dad could never hurt me again. I was so excited to tell Armand everything that had happened, and I was so happy that I would be able to finally see him again. It had been much too long since our last in person encounter, and my heart fluttered at the thought. Part of me was scared, but I knew he was always good to me, so my happiness definitely outweighed my fear.

I was jostled out of my thoughts when I heard footsteps on the cobblestone path. I hoped it was Armand and when I looked up, my heart caught in my throat because it was him walking over to the bench. I hoped I would be able to talk when he actually got here. I knew I was so awkward around him all the time, and I didn't want to embarrass myself again. I stood up from the bench to greet him. To my surprise, Armand pulled me into a hug.

"Hi Desiree! I've missed you. It's great to see you again."

I nuzzled my face into Armand's shoulder, hoping I wasn't making him uncomfortable because I really enjoyed his touch, but I didn't want him to know that, in case I lost him as a friend. He made me feel so safe, and I was so scared of losing that. I'd always seen in movies where two friends of the opposite sex ruin their friendship because one of them becomes awkward after having feelings for the other.

"I missed you too, Armand. Thanks for meeting me."

"Absolutely. So... court?"

"Yeah... um, maybe we should sit. It's kind of a heavy subject."

"Oh shit, are you okay?"

I found myself tearing up a little at Armand's immediate concern towards me. He didn't run away from me. Why am I allergic to the notion that someone would be genuinely nice to me?

"Yes. I'm really good right now, it's the stuff that led up to the court case that is heavy. That day I talked to you about standing up to my dad, I did it, and then he... um, he beat me. I went to bed, and then I tried to leave in the middle of the night. My dad must have heard a noise and woken up because the next thing I knew, he was there arguing with me. When I didn't listen, he started hitting and grabbing me to try to get me to go back in the house, then he beat me unconscious. After that night, I was in a coma for a month. I've been a victim of child abuse my whole life. The court case was about the fact that he finally got caught. My little brother called 9-1-1 and everything was brought to light. My dad is in jail now, and he will be for 25 years." 

Armand sat there, silent, as I confessed to him the events of the past month and a half. I was so scared, but I kept telling him the whole story. If I was going to have him as a friend, I needed to learn how to open up to him. I got a little more scared when he didn't say anything after I was done.

"Armand, are you okay? I didn't scare you off, did I?"

"No, you're good. We're good. I'm just in shock that someone as sweet as you would be a victim of child abuse. When I think of those people who do beat their kids, I think it's usually because their kid is acting out and they handle it badly."

My heart skipped a beat when Armand said 'someone as sweet as you.' He thinks I am sweet? I think I'm going to faint.

"Well... my father viewed me as acting out when I tried to leave the house in the middle of the night. Remember my curfew? I broke it, therefore, I was acting out. He isn't right in the head, I don't think, he was very strict, and couldn't let go of his control over me even when I turned eighteen, and especially not as I grew older. It's like in his mind I was perpetually five years old, and he thought he had to 'protect me' from everything, but his version of protection is actually quite the opposite."

"Sheesh, it definitely sounds like he isn't right in the head. My mother was emotionally abusive to me, she was always screaming at me about something. I don't think she was right in the head either."

"Was?"

"Yeah... my mother died of complications from a car accident she caused because she was drunk... and she died on my fourteenth birthday. She had gone out to reluctantly get a cake for me, after she had argued with me all morning about the fucking cake.. I hate her."

It was my turn to be silent and stare at Armand after hearing how he also had an equally stupid messed up parent. I was impressed with how caring Armand was as a grownup because it didn't seem like he had much chance as a kid to learn what that looked like. However, with what little he had said, it still seemed like a load of information, and it gave me a lot of insight into him. It seemed to me that we had a lot in common on a much deeper level that we had not known about each other until now. I realized I didn't have to be afraid that he would think I was too messed up for him because he also had his own problems.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Armand. I guess both of us know what abuse is firsthand, don't we?"

Armand said 'mm-hmm' softly, and I hoped I hadn't just made things awkward between us. I stared at the back of Armand's head as he spaced off with his thoughts. I felt really sad for him that his mom died on his birthday because it was supposed to be a happy day.

"Armand, do you hate your birthday?"

"No, I don't hate my birthday, I hate red velvet cake. It was the cake I wanted, and my mom argued with me all morning because she kept saying she didn't know how to bake anything fancy. She wanted to make the yellow cake out of the box, but I just wanted something for my birthday and I didn't understand why she was so crazy about it. I should have just asked my dad to bake it."

**BEEP-BEEP.**

Armand's phone went off, and I was a little sad because I wanted to spend more time with him, despite my perpetual fear that I'd made everything awkward. I wanted to slap myself for constantly sounding like a broken record, but at least I was being honest with myself.

"Hey Desiree? That's Remy, I have plans with him tonight to go see my grandpa's movie premiere, so I have to go get ready. It's a formal suit event on the red carpet."

"What? You have a famous grandfather?"

"Yeah, he's Maximus Hunt, the movie star?"

"Holy crap, that's so cool! I didn't put two and two together, even though your last name is the same, Hunt is popular as a last name, so.."

"It's okay, Desiree, I don't name drop my family members often, haha. It's only when people ask, and I tell them."

Armand smiled at me, which made me feel better about getting starstruck about his grandfather. I was relieved he didn't think I was crazy.

"However, I do have to go, I only have two tickets, so I can't take you with me, but I'd love to hang out with you again, okay?"

"Okay. Armand? Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here, and for being my friend."

"Aww Desiree, you never have to thank me for that."

I think my heart is melting into a giant puddle...

---

After I got home from the park, I went to my bedroom to change into my suit, really happy that Desiree was okay. It was nice seeing her again after so long. I was sad to hear that she had been through such awful circumstances, but I knew firsthand that it is those sorts of things that allow a person to build a stronger character. Desiree had gotten less defensive with me since that day I ran into her at the comic book store, and I took it as a sign of trust. Today when we had our conversation, it had been pleasant and eye opening because both of us were open to talk to each other, despite the hard topic. I felt closer to Desiree emotionally since both of us had gone through similar situations with abuse that made us feel small and unimportant.

"Hey, do you know how we're getting to the theater? Are we just meeting your Grandpa there? Is he coming here to give us a ride? I don't know how these red carpet things work."

"Haha, we're going to be picked up in a limousine, arranged by my Grandpa."

"Holy shit... that's awesome. I never thought I'd get to experience anything that fancy in my lifetime."

"Yes, it's a bit surreal... I haven't ever been to a red carpet event either, but I have been to my dad's magic shows, and they're similar, but not quite the same. It was more secretive, but yet still fancy. You know, cause the magician doesn't let anyone know how his tricks work."

"Yeah, Armand, your life is so interesting, coming from a family of celebrities."

"Thank you. Are you ready?"

"I think so... as ready as I'll ever be."

"Limo driver just texted me that he's here. Let's go."

When the limousine pulled up to the theater, I felt so excited when I saw the red velvet ropes lined up around the soft plushy red carpet, and a giant movie poster of Grandpa Max near the front door. Our limo arrived not too long after Grandpa's, and I saw him and Grandma Soleil get their picture taken in front of the movie poster. When they were done, someone told me and Remy it was our turn.

I was happy to be a participant in this part of Grandpa Max's life. It's a little bit different just being the child of a celebrity, or a grandchild of one, because no one was really interested in me on the same level as they were with my dad or grandpa. They were usually only interested in what dirt I could give them, which I never did. Getting to have my photo taken in front of the movie poster may seem like something small, but I knew I would cherish this moment for the rest of my life. I glanced over at Remy a few times, and I saw that he was nervous, but I also knew that he was enjoying himself despite that.

After the movie was over, Grandpa Max offered to take us out to dinner. He said we had the limo for the whole night so we could take it to the restaurant as well, and then back home after dinner. While Remy and I scoured the buffet filling our plates up, I noticed Grandpa and Grandma talking to each other, being all adorable and lovey-dovey. I realized that is probably where my dad learned how to behave when he interacted with Ephemera. He had just been waiting for the right girl for him to be able to do that with. Lord knows he didn't do that with Mom, at least not that I ever remembered, since I always witnessed them fighting and glaring at each other, every time I would walk into the room.

Remy and I sat down, and Grandpa Max said he had ordered some wine for the table.

"So, what did you boys think of the movie?"

"It was awesome! It was such a twist that the government was doing that shit to its own country. Where is the logic in that? It's so cruel! The movie definitely made me think."

"Sometimes Remy, power makes people crazy enough that they'll even stoop so low as to try to take down their own country in the process. It's hard to believe, but sadly it does happen."

"I was so happy your character kicked their asses and restored hope to the nation so the people could start over again without the power hungry assholes in charge. We need more movies like that. I feel very inspired now, like I could take on the world."

"I'm glad to hear that, Armand. Hope is indeed a very good thing."

After discussing the movie, we caught up on the goings-on of our lives, and Grandpa and Grandma got to know Remy a little better. His star-struck expression made me smile, and I was happy he got to meet my grandparents. I spent the rest of dinner thoroughly enjoying myself and the time I got to spend with my family, with a renewed sense of hope that better things were coming my way.