Patrick Eight: Learning Lessons

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is definitely not easy, Katya!"

Katya and I had gone to the beach together with some surfboards. She had been wanting to teach me how to surf, and I had finally decided to take a day off from practicing my new trick. We were hanging out in the shallow end, a few feet from the shore, and I was trying to balance on the surfboard. It was surprisingly more difficult than it looked, and there was barely a ripple in the ocean. I kept feeling like I was going to fall as the water moved underneath the board. It probably didn't help that I'd never done anything like this before, and my balance wasn't used to it.

Katya crouched near me and held the top of the surfboard, steadying it. She looked up at me with her pretty blue eyes and smiled.

"Patrick? Look at me. Stop thinking that you're going to fall. Bend your knees, and if you sway, hold your arms out to balance yourself. The water will keep the board afloat."

I nodded at Katya and tried to follow her instructions. Once she saw that I had regained some of my balance and had gotten my bearings back, she gave the board a little push and I went further out into the water. The ripples started getting a little rougher, even though from shore they didn't look that large. Katya got on her board and paddled out to where I was, then stood up effortlessly.

"How are you doing?"

"Not bad. This is pretty fun."

"Staying low will help the wind not catch you and tip you over."

I did as Katya said and raised my arms out from my sides when I felt like I was going to fall and bent my knees. We surfed out a a bit further, and I was starting to get a little more comfortable. I looked over at Katya, and admired her skimpy bikini. My mind went in the gutter when she surfed in front of me and I checked out her ass. I was too distracted by it apparently because that's when I fell. Katya came over to me and helped me back on the board. We ended up heading back to shore after that, and I paddled my way back. We took our boards out of the water and I grabbed Katya around the waist, looking down at her adorable face. She closed her eyes and puckered her lips at me, so I gave her a kiss.

"What do you want to do now, sexy?"

Katya blushed when I swooned over her. Even though we had been going out for two months now, she still wasn't used to me complimenting her. She said that the only person who was really nice to her was her father, and that Ephemera was her estranged sister, whom she had always had a strained relationship with. We decided to head up to the clubhouse on the beach and grab something to eat before going back to my house. I made us some hot dogs, while Katya sat on the couch next to the grill.

"So how did I do for being a first time surfer?"

"You did pretty well, actually. You take instruction well and you're great at applying what you've learned to the situation."

I saw Katya out of my peripheral vision and she was sitting on the couch with a dreamy look in her eyes. I wondered if she was checking me out. After we ate the hot dogs, we decided to go back and sit on the couch. I put my arm around her, and she opened her eyes wide as if she wasn't expecting it.

"Oh! Patrick."

"What's going on, Katya? We've been dating for two months now. Surely you'd be used to me hugging you, right?"

"Yeah, I just... you've never asked me to be exclusive, and I guess I'm nervous."

"All right, well, Katya, will you be mine? I'm not seeing anyone else, and I really like you."

Katya smiled and relaxed her small frame, resting her head against my shoulder. I wondered why she was so nervous, but I figured it was just because she was shy, as she'd told me many times before. I hoped she knew that I wouldn't deliberately hurt her.

"Patrick? The first time we went out, you said you wanted to be cautious about having a relationship. Why is that? Did someone break your heart?"

"No, my aunt and uncle had a tumultuous marriage and I didn't want to be like that."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry. Sometimes I wondered why they even got married. From the outside, it didn't seem like they were ever really in love."

"I want a love like your parents' love. I noticed the way your parents look at each other, the day we went to eat dinner with them."

"I'd like that too."

Katya looked up at me, and I couldn't stop thinking how much I loved her eyes. They were so big and blue, and perfect for her adorable face. I had always imagined myself being involved with someone who was a supermodel or actress, just because of what I did for a living, but as I looked at Katya, I found that she was sexy in her own way. She might not have been as glamorous as the girls I'd pictured myself with, but somehow it didn't matter. I thought in my mind that maybe this was what it felt like to fall in love. I moved my face closer to hers and she leaned in, allowing me to kiss her. I peppered her lips softly with mine, and started sucking on her bottom lip, running my tongue along it. Katya sighed, and I put my tongue gently in her mouth. For all the times we'd kissed, it had always been a closed mouth kiss. I was starting to think she didn't like me that much, but her statement just now about wanting a love and then wanting me to tell her she was my girlfriend made me feel pretty confident.

"NO!"

Katya pushed on my forehead and gave me a dirty look. I grimaced, unsure of why she was being so standoffish after what I thought was a confession of feeling comfortable with me.

"What's wrong? I thought you wanted to kiss me."

"I don't want to kiss like... that. It's too fast. We've only been going out two months."

"But I'm sure I want to date you, I'm not kissing anyone else, I promise."

"That's not the point, Patrick. I don't want to take that step yet."

As I looked at Katya, I felt sad that I had somehow broken her trust. I wasn't even sure what had gone wrong. I guess it was possible she felt like I might have been trying to force myself on her, so I asked her and she said no, she knew I wasn't doing that. Why was she thinking that a French kiss equaled automatic jumping into bed?

"What are you talking about? It's just a kiss!"

"No, it's not. That... kind of kissing leads to sex, and I'm not ready for sex."

I didn't know what to say to her, so I simply hung my head as Katya looked away from me, feeling defeated. So far this relationship stuff was proving to be harder than I thought it would be. Maybe I was reading Katya wrong, and she didn't like me as much as I thought. I tried to think about the sweet things she had said to me earlier, but then I started second guessing myself, she had just said she wanted a love like my parents' love, not that she wanted that love with me.

I kept my arm around her shoulder and looked down at the ground, resting my other hand on my thigh. Katya remained still and silent. I was glad she wasn't pushing me away anymore, but I knew this date was over. I was angry, not so much at Katya, since I knew she had that bad experience, but at myself, for trying to take too much from her. I was also angry that I didn't know what to do right now.

"Patrick, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

Katya and I went our separate ways, without really talking about anything that had happened. I knew I wanted to cool down some before trying to talk to her again. I guessed that she probably needed time as well. I made a mental note that if I still wanted to date her, I should be more patient. I wasn't really sure how much time she would need to stop being so skittish, or if she would even get to that point. Maybe she wasn't the girl for me. I really didn't know. I went to the one person I knew who could help me sort out my dilemma, my dad.

I knocked on the door and Dad invited me in to sit on the couch with him.

"You remodeled the house, it looks nice."

"Thanks. How are you?"

"I had a date with Katya, but it ended wierdly. She taught me how to surf and everything was going great, but then she got mad when I tried to French kiss her. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, since she has no problem kissing me. It's always been closed mouth though, so I don't know. I guess I have no idea what that means, but I feel like she doesn't like me or something."

Dad got a contemplative look on his face as I was describing what had happened with Katya, like he was deep in thought.

"Hmm... did you stop when she told you to?"

"Well, she pushed me on my forehead, and said no, after which yes, I did stop. I didn't try to kiss her anymore, but then I just didn't know what to do. I got frustrated, so we just ended the date."

"Did she explain why she didn't want you to kiss her? Like she doesn't want to be serious with you? If that's the case, then maybe you should just end things with her."

"Well, that's why I'm really confused. She wanted me to say we were an exclusive couple, which I did, cause realistically, we are, even if I hadn't said it yet to her. She said French kissing always leads to sex, and she didn't want sex. I feel like she was giving me mixed signals, and I didn't know what to do."

"I think you did the correct thing by stopping when she asked you to. Everyone likes to be respected, and not pushing when it comes to the physical parts of a relationship gains you brownie points in a girl's eyes. I don't blame you one bit for being frustrated and angry about it, confused even. Women can be complicated, and it might seem like she doesn't like you, but there's probably an underlying reason she's afraid of French kissing."

Hmm... well I knew that since Katya had been taken advantage of in high school, that's probably why she was afraid of sex, but that's not what I was trying to do, I had just wanted to make out with my girlfriend a little bit. Maybe this was all just a big misunderstanding. I hoped that she believed me that day I told her I would never force myself on her because it was true, I would never think of doing that to anyone. I supposed I could see how she might have thought I wanted sex from her, after all, I am a guy, and I think about it a lot. Ever since I'd started going out with Katya, I had been going through a bit of a dry spell, which was the cause of my frustration. Talking to Dad had made me feel so much better, and I knew I could always count on him.

"Were you ever unsure whether Mom liked you or not?"

"Yeah, when we first started going out. Your mom wasn't the relationship type, so I wondered if she would even want to be serious with me."

"How did you guys get to the point you are now?"

"Honesty. We talk about everything. It turns out your mom also wondered if I would ever be serious with her, since I wasn't the relationship type either. I'd never have gotten her if I hadn't been brave and asked her about it, point blank. Not to change the subject, but do you want some dessert? I have some key lime pie in the kitchen. We can keep talking in there, if you'd like."

I followed Dad into the kitchen and sat at the counter, while he got the pie out of the refrigerator.

"Patrick, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm just thinking. I've never done this relationship thing before, and I don't know what I want. I don't know if she broke up with me since we didn't really plan another date, and everything was just so awkward. I think it's part of her personality, though, the first time I went out with her, she asked me a wierd question, so I've kind of gotten used to that about her, but feeling like I'm in limbo is just irritating."

Dad looked at me with his intense light green eyes. I loved talking to him because I always felt like he was really listening to me, and I knew he cared a lot.

"Well, my advice to you about that is to wait a day or two, then go to Katya and apologize. Flowers would be a good thing too, but the main thing is to just be genuine. If you still want to go out with her, she needs to know you care enough about her to be humble. Don't rehash the incident as far as playing the blame game, both of you had a part in the misunderstanding, but don't point it out to her, or she'll feel like you're accusing her and that's not going to go well for you."

"How do I talk about it to her, and clear the air?"

"Listen to what she says. I guarantee you when you go over and just simply apologize to her, she'll appreciate it. After that, she'll feel more comfortable with you, and if she still likes you, she'll probably tell you what was bothering her. Just support what she says, and you guys will be fine."

"I hope you're right, Dad. Everything you said makes complete sense, but Katya can be out of the ordinary sometimes."

"Of course, remember that I'm generalizing, Patrick. Everyone's different, but the simple principles of respect and humility are appreciated by most people."

It was getting late, so I gave Dad a hug and thanked him for giving me all the advice he did. I was still frustrated, but I was no longer confused. I rolled my window down, and felt the cool Silicon Shores breeze blow into the car. I calmed down a lot, admiring the palm trees passing as I drove by them. Driving always made me feel better, and there was something about it that always made me feel peaceful. This was the perfect ending to a not so perfect day.