Patrick Eleven: Uncertain Times

Three months had passed, I was on stage as usual, and Patrick had just performed his buried alive trick. It had been a little too long since he'd gone down though, so I was getting a little concerned. Emmanuel was behind the scenes, making sure things worked okay. All of a sudden, I heard him calling out Patrick's name in a panic. Even though it was faint, the theater director heard it too, so he closed the curtain, and did damage control with another performer, allowing me to go below stage to see what was the matter.

I opened the door to the backstage area, and was shocked to see Emmanuel crouching over Patrick, who was laying on the floor. I rushed over to them, and crouched down next to Patrick.

"I called 911, gave him CPR, so he's got a pulse, and everything, but he's not conscious."

"What the fuck happened?"

"The trapdoor opened and instead of the rail working properly, it broke. Patrick and the box fell off of it. I heard some bone breaking sounds, so I don't want to move him."

The EMTs arrived, and put an oxygen mask on him. Emmanuel and I piled into the ambulance with him, and I sent Katya a text message to let her know what was going on. When we arrived at the hospital, Patrick was rushed into the ER, and the doctors told us he had several broken ribs and a concussion, so they needed to get him into surgery to fix it and check for any other injuries. Emmanuel and I went into the waiting room and sat down. A few minutes later, I saw Katya walk in with her head in her hands. I walked up to her and helped her over to the couches. Max and Soleil came in shortly afterwards, I'm guessing because Emmanuel notified them.

"Is he okay?"

"He's in surgery now, he just went in about ten minutes ago."

Emmanuel told Patrick's parents what had happened to him, and they thanked him for handling the situation the way he did. Katya continued to cry while grabbing onto my arm. After a while, a doctor came over to us, and I pointed at Max and Soleil since they were Patrick's family. They stood up, eager to hear what the doctor had to say.

"Patrick made it out of surgery, and his vitals are good, but he hasn't regained consciousness."

"What does that mean? Is he going to wake up at all? In a few days?"

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you when he's going to wake up. He hit his head pretty hard when he fell, although his brain activity is good, so there is hope, but for now he's in a coma. There's no swelling or anything around his brain, but sometimes people stay unresponsive for a little while after severe trauma. Based on what we've seen so far with Patrick, we are hopeful he will wake up, but we can't be sure about a timeline."

"Oh my god, my Patrick!"

"Shh, baby, it'll be okay. He'll be all right."

Soleil fell into Max's chest when she heard the news, and Max remained strong, hugging her tightly and comforting her while rubbing her back. Katya continued to cry even harder than she was before. Max spoke up and asked if we could see him. The doctor agreed and we all went to his room, taking various spots around the bed. Seeing him laying there was so surreal, and I felt like this couldn't be happening. Even though he and I were just friends, I felt a great sadness in my heart seeing him like that. I was a tad jealous seeing his family come together like this for him. My family had strong emotions, but we seemed to be more about anger towards each other rather than love, like Patrick's family had.

"Is there anything we can do while he's unconscious?"

"They say coma patients can hear things, they just can't respond. Read him a book, or just sit and talk to him, hold his hand, that can help."

Katya was sobbing uncontrollably, and she seemed sadder than Patrick's parents. I was getting annoyed that she seemed to be making a scene, as if she was trying to show that she cared for Patrick more than the rest of us did. All of a sudden, Katya let go of me, and made a beeline for the small bathroom in Patrick's room. I wondered what was wrong with her, thinking maybe she was so sad that she made herself sick.

When she came out, she said she had thrown up and her stomach wasn't feeling well, so the doctor took her to run some tests. Everyone sat in silence for a long time until Katya came back.

"Are you okay, Katya?"

Katya shook her head and started crying again. I hugged her and let her cry on me. After a few minutes, she went over to Patrick and grabbed his hand.

"Patrick, you have to wake up, because you're going to be a father."

---

That night at the hospital when I found out I was pregnant, I was already five weeks along. I was having mixed feelings about it because I loved Patrick, but we had never said that to each other, and I was scared. I was happy as well because this little baby was a part of Patrick. Ephemera had told me that night that she thought I was trying to show off how sad I was for Patrick, but I realized it was the hormones. I'd been crying a lot more often lately, and it would be triggered by the stupidest things, like dropping something I was holding.

We all had hope that Patrick would wake up soon, and had been visiting him consistently since that night. Sometimes his parents would sleep in his room, sometimes together, and other times they'd take turns so one of them could look after me. I didn't want to be needy, but Max and Soleil insisted that I let them help me because they didn't want me to go through my pregnancy alone. Ephemera still lived with me, and she helped out too, listening to my rants and comforting me when I cried. I felt like Patrick's tragedy had helped our relationship a lot because Ephemera had been really nice to me ever since it happened. I knew she was hurting too, so part of it was because she was also sad for Patrick, but I liked to think that she was letting some of her walls down when it came to me. As much as I hated that Patrick was in this situation, I was glad that it was drawing Ephemera and I closer.

Today Max had driven me to the hospital to visit, and Soleil was already there, having slept overnight in Patrick's room. Two months had passed, and my stomach was starting to bulge out a little bit. By this time, I was three months into carrying the baby, and things were only getting more difficult. None of my clothes fit, so Soleil had taken me to get some new maternity clothes. I felt uncomfortable all the time, and dreaded to think about the time when I got even fatter. I cried a lot any time I went home from seeing Patrick because I just wanted him to be there with me, holding me, to tell me everything was going to be all right. Max and Soleil had been helping me out a lot, which I was grateful for, but it wasn't the same as having Patrick there.

I had brought a book with me to read to Patrick, while Max stayed on the couch, and Soleil went to take a shower. About an hour of me reading to him, I took a break and grabbed his hand. He looked so peaceful and serene laying there, and I wondered what he was thinking about. Dr. King had said his brain activity was normal, so there wasn't any chance of him being brain dead. Was he in complete darkness, or was he in a happy place while he healed? Soon Soleil came over, so I gave her my chair, and she held Patrick's hand.

"Patrick, honey, it's Mom. Your dad and I are here for you. We miss you, baby. Katya's here too, she's been reading to you a lot. We've been helping her out while you're away, keeping her safe till you come back."

Soleil squeezed Patrick's hand, and silent tears ran down her cheeks as she talked to him. Max instinctively went over to her, almost as if he could sense that she had started crying. My heart hurt a lot, hoping that I could have that kind of love with Patrick someday. Suddenly, Soleil gasped, and at first I thought it was because Max had surprised her, but she was looking at Patrick intently. She squeezed his hand, and gasped again.

"Max, I think he squeezed my hand! Go get Dr. King!"

Max and Dr. King came running into the room, and Dr. King shined a light into his eyes. Her face lit up with hope as she made Patrick follow her finger with his eyes.

"His eyes are responding normally. Patrick? Patrick, can you hear me? Lift your left index finger if you can."

I watched Patrick's index finger on his left hand raise up slowly, for a second, and then go back down.

"This is good news. It might take a little bit before he fully opens his eyes and begins to talk again, but he's on his way back."

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Patrick Ten: First Time

FYI, Nudity

---

Patrick drove Katya and I back to Katya's house after one of our magic shows. Katya told me they had made up the morning after I watched the movie with her and found out they'd had a fight. I'd been staying with Katya for about three months, and Patrick would come over often. I could tell Patrick was good for her because I had never seen Katya so happy before. As we arrived at the house, we all got out of the car, and I thanked Patrick for the ride, saying good night to the both of them, leaving them in the foyer. I was starving so I decided to make some food for myself, deciding to spend some time alone with my thoughts afterwards.

After eating a nice helping of alfredo pasta, I changed into my bathing suit and went to sit by the pool with a bottle of wine and my thoughts. One thing I appreciated about Silicon Shores was the weather. I'd traveled a lot after I left, and not all of the cities I'd been to were this comfortable. I sipped my drink and thought about why I had left in the first place. It had been ten years since Mom left, and Dad tried to raise us to the best of his abilities. He became a lot stricter, and it pissed me off, especially when I became a teenager. I snuck out a lot and Katya always told on me, as if she wanted me to get in trouble so Dad would look more favorably on her. It irritated me to no end that she couldn't just keep her mouth shut and cover for me at least once. That was why when I'd heard that Tyler had taken her to a motel on prom night, I spread that rumor around the high school about her being a whore. I wanted to get back at her, and rub it in her face that she wasn't so perfect either, that she could make mistakes too.

Looking back on that, I know now it was a shit move to be so cruel to my own sister, because she spent a lot of her senior year being an outcast and getting made fun of. I was just so angry at her for acting like she was the better daughter. I probably have daddy issues or whatever the shrinks call it. I spent a lot of time grounded and being scolded. That's why when I was eighteen, I bolted. I was an adult, I could be on my own, free from rules and discipline. I hitchhiked across the country, and spent my nights in various cities along the way. It was unpleasant at times, but when I finally reached Bridgeport, New York, which was on the opposite side of Silicon Shores, I felt like it was worth it. I worked in some diners and clubs, making lots of tips, and life was good for a while.

I dated casually because settling down seemed boring, and I also didn't know what I wanted out of life. One night at a club, I met a magician who went by the stage name of Vigilante. He was dark, mysterious, and dangerous. He liked my demeanor and the way I carried myself when I was serving him drinks, so he took me home. The next morning, he offered me a job as his assistant. I took the opportunity and worked for him for about two years. Along the way, we'd sleep together, and I don't know when it happened, but I fell in love with him. When I told him that, his personality changed completely. He told me we couldn't do that, that I was just supposed to be his assistant, and although the sex was great, we couldn't be in a relationship. I pressed him about it, and found out the reason he wouldn't start a relationship with me was because he was married. I was the other woman.

I was furious. We got in a huge fight and I quit working for him. I felt like an idiot for falling for him. Luckily I had a bunch of money saved up, so I left Bridgeport. I bought a plane ticket back to Silicon Shores, and rented a motel. My money was running out, though, and I couldn't stay in the motel forever, so that's why I sought out Katya. I wish I wasn't so prideful, I know I should apologize to her for all the pain I've caused her. I feel lost most days, but I don't want to admit that to anyone. I always put up a strong front, and something about apologizing makes me feel weak. I know that is stupid, but maybe in time I will be able to say sorry. At least I'm thinking about it, that's a good first start, right? I truly am grateful to her for letting me stay here, deep down I knew she would because she's a good person, a better person than I.

---

I said good night to Ephemera, and she left Katya and I alone in the front part of the house. Katya had been in a really good mood all day, and I was glad to see her like this. Taking things slow had really allowed her to come out of her shell. Katya's mood elevated itself even more when she came up very close to me and threw her arms around my neck. Her nose was really close to mine, and even though I had wrapped my arms around her, I was trying not to be inappropriate. I didn't want to get my hopes up about the physical part of our relationship, but Katya was making it very difficult at the moment with her proximity, the way she was hugging me, and the undeniable look in her eyes that said she wanted me.

"Patrick, let's go to my bedroom. I'm ready."

I tried not to freak out, but I'm pretty sure I had a ridiculous expression on my face from what Katya had just said. My body was on fire, and I relaxed a little because I felt like I didn't have to hide my desire from Katya any longer. Katya smiled at me and we walked hand in hand down the hallway to her bedroom. I had never been in there before because Katya thought maybe it would be better if we avoided her bedroom entirely so we wouldn't be tempted to go all the way before she was ready. Getting ready to see it now, tonight, I felt like a giddy teenager who was having sex with his girlfriend for the first time. I was fully aware of how clammy my hand felt in hers, and I hoped Katya didn't mind, secretly hoping that some of the clamminess was coming from her hand too.

When we entered her bedroom, she grinned shyly at me and placed her hands on my chest. She played with the buttons on my shirt, and I was oddly nervous. I touched Katya's face and brushed a strand of her hair away from her cheek.

"Are you sure you're ready, Katya?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay, if you need something, or feel uncomfortable, just tell me. I'll take care of you."

Katya smiled at me and I moved my face closer to hers, kissing her gently. When she parted her lips willingly, I tried not to do too much to her, and was happily surprised when she hungrily sucked on my tongue. I pressed her body against mine and touched the zipper on her dress, unzipping it, and letting it fall to the floor. Katya pulled away from me to touch my chest. I looked at her body, and she was beautiful. Of course, I had seen her in skimpy clothing before from our day at the beach, but seeing her in her underwear was a million times better. I pulled her close to me once again, and moved my hand to a more seductive location, down her lower back, just above the curve of her butt. Her skin was so soft, and she smelled lovely.

"Patrick, your magician uniform made me so hot today. I couldn't wait to get you home, and have you all to myself."

I didn't really know how to respond other than kiss her again while my hand rubbed her ass. She unbuttoned my shirt and I pulled both my coat and shirt off while she went for the zipper on my pants. After Katya finished stripping me down to my underwear, I lifted her up and we made our way over to her bed. I put her down gently on the mattress and as soon as I sat on the bed, Katya crawled over me, touching my knee with one hand, her other hand on my hip.

I pushed her hair out of her face, and she leaned close to me, staring at me intently. I felt something different with her than I had before when I was going to sleep with someone. I wasn't sure if it was because I was pent up and going crazy from all the time we had waited, or if it was just from my feelings for her.

"What are you thinking about, Patrick?"

"Just that I've never felt as strong for a girl before as I feel for you."

I must have said the magic words because Katya pounced on me, and roughly started kissing my neck and chest. I rubbed her shoulder and her torso, occasionally brushing my hand over her bra buckle. Every time I acted like I was going to unclip it, she would press her hips into me, driving me crazy. I didn't know how much more I could take before actually plunging myself into her, so I took off her bra and panties at the same time. As soon as I did that, she hooked her thumb into my waistband and pulled my underwear off. I rolled her over and took her breast in my hand, kissing her nipple passionately. She moaned in pleasure and wrapped her leg around mine, rubbing her foot up and down my leg.

"Patrick, do it now. I want you."

I kissed Katya softly and positioned myself between her legs. She spread them around me willingly and I entered her slowly, bit by bit. She felt so tight around me and I was trying really hard not to end this prematurely because she felt so good. Katya rubbed my pecs and looked into my eyes as we moved our hips together, perfectly in tune with one another. My breath was getting pretty ragged, and Katya's moans were getting louder. When I saw her eyes roll back in her head and heard her scream my name at the same time she gave a loud gasp, I asked her if she was done. She nodded blissfully, and I was finally able to find my own release. I shuddered at the force of my own orgasm and could do nothing but lay on Katya afterwards. I wrapped my arms around her and wondered again if this is what love felt like.

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Patrick Nine: Worth It

I continued to sit on the bench with Patrick after I had refused his advances to French kiss me. I was sad, angry, and scared. I was sad because I had made Patrick sad and possibly angry, which was the last thing I wanted after the fun day we had just had. I was angry at myself because I had let my insecurities into yet another relationship. I was scared because I didn't know what to expect if I had let Patrick go any further. I knew in my heart he was a sweet guy and I believed him the day he told me he would never force himself on me, but my head was still holding that fear at the front of my mind. Stupid, Katya, stupid!

I can't believe I had just asked him to declare that I was his girlfriend, and then gone and turned him down so quickly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Patrick was pouting, and looking down at the ground. He still had his arm around me, and I was afraid to move because what if this was the last time he ever touched me? Part of my mind was suspicious of Patrick. He wouldn't be so angry if it was okay for me to say no, would he? I didn't know what to do, and once again, I felt like I had made things awkward between us. Patrick scooted away from me and put his hands in his lap.

"Patrick, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

I tried to gauge his tone of voice from his simple response, and he sounded angry, but I could also sense a hint of sadness as well. Had he just broken up with me? Or was he just sorry for upsetting me? Ugh, I could slap myself for being so doubtful of everything I do. We didn't talk and he didn't try to touch me again. He just left. I was trying really hard to hold back the tears that wanted to fall down my face, but it was becoming increasingly difficult as the minutes dragged on. When I was sure he was out of sight and that he couldn't hear me, I started bawling. I walked to my car and got in, then cried on my steering wheel for a little bit until I pulled myself together so I could see well enough to drive home.

As soon as I stepped into the house, I cried some more. I wandered into my bedroom, pulled on the comfiest pair of pajamas I owned, found my favorite romantic comedy, where the guy and the girl get together in the end, and got some ice cream out of the fridge. As I watched the movie, I pretended it was Patrick and I, and I hoped that things would be better between us, if there even still was an us. About thirty minutes into the movie, my doorbell rang. I panicked slightly because I knew I looked like crap right now, and if it was Patrick, I would be really embarrassed. I took a deep breath, knowing I probably didn't have enough time to change into good clothes and put myself back together, so I just sucked it up and opened the door.

"Ephemera? What are you doing here?"

"I need a place to stay. Can I stay with you?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at Ephemera. I had been curious about where she had been, and was still hurt that she hadn't called me when she got into town. However, I knew in my heart I would let her in eventually, but I felt like I had to give her a hard time first.

"Why would you want to stay with me? We're not exactly friends."

"I have nowhere else to go. I went to Dad's old house and he doesn't live there anymore. I don't know where Mom is, so I got your address from Patrick."

"Using my boyfriend to stalk me? That's low, Ephemera."

"Oh come on. He had no problem telling me since I'm your sister."

"Fine, whatever, come in. You can stay here."

Ephemera dragged her suitcase in and I sighed. I showed her where she could stay, where the bathroom and kitchen were, and then left her to her own devices. I went back to the couch, and pushed the play button on my DVD remote. A little while later, Ephemera walked into the living room and plopped herself on the couch with a beer in her hand.

"What are you watching?"

"The Holiday."

"Stupid chick flick."

"Shut up, Ephemera. Just because there aren't any explosions or death doesn't mean the movie is stupid."

Ephemera stuck her finger in her mouth, pretending to gag. I didn't let her get to me as I scooped some more ice cream into my mouth. We sat in peace for the remainder of the movie, which I was grateful for, and only when the credits rolled did Ephemera speak again, no big surprise, to insult me.

"Jesus Christ, Katya, did you really eat that entire tub of ice cream? Aren't you scared your ass will become the size of Texas?"

"I had a bad day, okay?"

"Emotional eating is stupid."

"How long have you even been in Silicon Shores, Ephemera, and where were you staying before now?"

"I don't know, a few weeks. I was renting a motel, but it was getting expensive. What the fuck happened to you? Your eyes are all red."

"None of your business. It's not like you care anyway."

Ephemera sighed, and hung her head, which is something she rarely did around me. She was always arrogant and self confident, making jabs at me. I knew she was mad at me for siding with Dad, but I still felt like she didn't need to be so mean to me all the time. After all, we were adults now.

"I'm trying to make conversation, Katya. I know I haven't been the nicest to you, but you still opened your home to me, so thank you."

"Well, you're my sister, I couldn't just let you be on the streets. Ugh, fine, if you really want to know, I had a fight with Patrick."

"You already screwed things up? How long were you dating him? Twenty minutes? You were always sucky at relationships."

"As a matter of fact, I don't know where we are, and I'm not sure we broke up, so don't just assume!"

"You're such a prude, is it cause you wouldn't put out? Katya, you know boys like sex, right?"

"Yeah, well at least I'm not loose, like you, giving it up to everyone who comes by."

"Shut up, and get off your high horse. At least I'm able to get laid, and I'm also not the one in rainbow sweats and a hamburger shirt sucking down a million calories. Think about that."

With that last rude comment, Ephemera finished off her beer and walked out of the living room, setting the empty bottle on the kitchen counter and heading in the direction of her bedroom. I took a deep breath and looked into the now empty tub of ice cream. In a way, as mean as she was, Ephemera was right. I had so many mental blocks from my experience that it seemed to be consuming me and holding me back from moving on with my new relationship. That's the last thing I wanted my life to become, me being prisoner to my thoughts, leading me to shut Patrick out. I laid down on the couch with my arm over my face, ashamed of myself.

The next time I opened my eyes, sunlight was pouring in from the large windows of my living room. I guess I had fallen asleep on the couch. I walked into the bathroom to take a shower and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was a mess. My ponytail holder had worked it's way down my hair, making my ponytail all loose, and it hung itself down by my left shoulder. My eyes felt puffy from all the crying I did yesterday, and they were definitely red. I looked unhealthy and tired. Would I ever find happiness? I thought about Patrick again, and he made me happy. He was the nicest guy I'd ever met. Why did I have to be such a screw up?

I stepped into the bathtub, which made me feel slightly better. I needed something new in my life, maybe I was just stuck in a rut, stuck in my ways of believing I had to be scared, stuck in the same tired old routine. I started thinking about things I could do to inject some excitement into my life. Maybe I could get a part-time job or something. My thoughts then went to my father, and how Ephemera had said he had moved out of the house we grew up in. I didn't know that because I had lost touch with him, sadly. I hoped he was okay, and I felt another pang of sadness hit me, mixed with guilt for not keeping in touch with him. For how close we had been when I was little, I started to wonder why I had let life get in the way of our relationship.

After my bath was over, I put on one of my favorite dresses. It looked like it had a painting on the front of it, and it was very soft and comfortable to wear. I combed my hair and put some eye drops in my eyes. I smiled at myself, hoping it would make me feel a little happier. I thought about Patrick and wondered if we were still a couple. I hoped we were. Should I go over to his house and apologize for acting so terrified around him or would he think I was desperate and annoying? Surely he doesn't suffer from a lack of girls wanting to be with him, he's so handsome. Crap. Does that mean I need to go over there and stake my claim before anyone else asks him out? Ugh, why do my thoughts make me feel like I'm in high school again? Now we're back to Tyler and how he treated me wrong.

My vicious cycle of thoughts was really starting to make me wonder if I was going insane. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, like my psychologist had suggested I do whenever my thoughts threatened to consume me. It worked, but I was still feeling uneasy about what had happened between Patrick and I. I decided to clean my house because the simple act of cleaning sometimes made me feel better, and helped me take my mind off of what was bothering me. Sadly, however, when I went out to the kitchen, it seemed relatively clean. Except for the beer bottle Ephemera had left on the counter, there really wasn't anything I needed to pick up. I opted to dust since I had a full roll of paper towels.

The doorbell rang, and when I went to answer it, Patrick was standing there with a bouquet of flowers. I was so relieved he was there that I let him in immediately. He looked up at me with puppy dog eyes as he handed me the flowers. It was only after I took them from him and inhaled their fresh scent that he spoke.

"Katya, I'm so sorry about yesterday. I hope I didn't come over too soon, but it was driving me crazy how we left things. I didn't know what to do, so I thought the best thing for me to do was to just leave. I'm sorry if that hurt you, so that's why I'm here today. I wanted to let you know I never meant to hurt you. I'd like to give us another chance, but only if you want to."

My heart was jumping from happiness that Patrick was actually standing in front of me. It didn't matter that he was talking at double speed, or that he might have been nervous. All the anxiety I felt from the uncertainty of whether he had broken up with me or not vanished into thin air. All I wanted to do was hug him, so I did.

"I'm so happy you came over. I'm sorry too about what happened. Let's go to the living room. Do you want something to drink or eat?"

"No, I'm okay."

Patrick and I sat on the couch together, and he craned his neck to look at the view outside my windows. He put his hands on his lap, which I was grateful for, and sat close to me, which I also enjoyed. I scratched my head, thinking of what to say to him. It was strange because before he arrived, I felt like I was bursting at the seams with things I thought I wanted to say, but now that he was actually here, I clammed up. Patrick didn't seem to mind, as he just sat next to me patiently.

"Thank you for the flowers, Patrick. It was very thoughtful of you."

"You're welcome."

"Umm... I want to explain myself. Before Tyler forced himself on me, we were making out, and I was enjoying it. I don't know where it turned bad, but when I realized it, it was too late. When you kissed me like that, I immediately shut down because I didn't want to have it turn bad again without me knowing it."

I halfway expected Patrick to get angry and interrupt me to say that I shouldn't be comparing him to Tyler, but he just shifted in his seat and continued listening to me. He was really very different from any other guy I'd ever met.

"I just need you to understand that I really do like you... a lot... but I need to move slowly for this to work. My experience was the only time I've ever had sex, and it was also the first time. I'm terrified that it will hurt and be just as unpleasant as it was with Tyler. Um... so if you're okay with all of my crap, then I'd love to continue with our relationship."

Patrick nodded and looked at me with content on his face. The next few words he said to me made my heart melt, and I was confident we would be more than okay.

"Katya, we can go as slow as you need. I like you too, and I think you're worth the wait."

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