Patrick Twenty: Familial Obligations

I sat on my couch, exhausted because I had not slept well the night before. Hearing that Patrick's coma was caused by someone deliberately plotting against him chilled me to my very core. Armand was at school, and Patrick was off with Emmanuel, working. I didn't know how Patrick could remain so calm about the whole thing. It was almost as if the threat of death wasn't something he took seriously, even though he had already nearly died once. Maybe it hadn't sunk in yet, and he would address it later, but whatever the cause was, I hoped he would deal with it soon before it was too late and his life was threatened again.

I had tried reading one of my many books, but even those fantasies weren't enough to release my mind from its troubles today, causing me to leave my book open on the table, its pages abandoned and unread. I had one hour left by myself before Armand was due back from school, but who was I kidding, even when Armand was here, I more often than not felt like I was still by myself. He would ask me for help with his homework for certain subjects, but I was more of a tool he would use rather than a person in his life. Despite this, Armand and I had been getting along better ever since the incident at Disney Land because I was giving him the space he needed, and not forcing him to do things that were unnecessary.

I heard the front door open and Patrick walked in, while I remained where I was. He came over and sat next to me, pulling me up onto his lap, wrapping his arm around my waist and placing his hand on my thigh. I enjoyed that Patrick never ignored me when he came home, and that he was always willing to spend time with me, even when I was in one of my withdrawn moods where I preferred to pout rather than act like a functioning member of this marriage. I knew that half of our problems were my fault, but the pull to be a shy loner, which was my default nature of being, was very strong.

"How are you today, Katya?"

"I'm okay. I'm glad you're home. I was still worried about that death threat, though."

"Aah, don't worry about that. He's just trying to scare me, but it won't work. He's a bully, and one of the ways to stave off a bully is to ignore him."

"Patrick, I think this is a little more dire than childhood bullies. This is someone who could try to murder you. Maybe you should lay low for a while."

"What? I know it's serious. I'm not saying it's not, I am just saying I'm refusing to let this person control me through fear. Besides, I can just vanish if they try to come after me again."

Patrick laughed at his own humor, but I was starting to get upset at the light-hearted way he seemed to be dismissing the situation. I wriggled myself out of his embrace and stood in front of the couch.

"This isn't a joke, Patrick! I'd appreciate it if you took your own life more seriously and stopped acting like you have a death wish!"

"Death wish? What are you talking about?"

"The more you flaunt yourself and show that you're not afraid, the braver the bully will be into wanting to take you down. It's like you're laughing in the face of danger, and it's not safe. You have a family now, you have to be more responsible."

"If I show him I'm not afraid, he'll stop. Bullies love when you give in, and they love when they can see fear. If I stay scared, he will just keep tormenting me. I'm not just going to crawl in a hole and wave the white flag of surrender, Katya. I'm going to live my life. I refuse to let this person imprison me. I know I have a family, I love you guys, and we will be fine. You should live your life too, and trust me. I've been in this industry for a long time, people do this kind of shit a lot, it's just part of the job."

"Having threats on your life is part of your job? That's ridiculous! No one should have to live with the fear of their life being threatened! That's why I feel like you have a death wish, it's like you getting a death threat is only as irritating as someone saying you look funny in a tabloid magazine. This is not the same level of stuff to deal with, Patrick!"

"Katya, there are lots of jobs where lives become endangered. I just happen to think that what I love is worth all of that."

"When you say that, it's like you are saying you don't love me and Armand, like you love your job more than us."

Patrick looked away from me, as if he was annoyed. I didn't understand why he felt like his job was more important than our family. It was just a job, wasn't it? I enjoyed giving surfing lessons, but I felt like being home with Armand was more important than my love of surfing, so why wasn't Patrick willing to make the necessary sacrifices for our family? I excused myself from Patrick's presence when Armand came home and stole Patrick's attention, sighing to myself as I realized I still hadn't gotten through to him. It was as if Patrick was behaving childishly, thinking things were going to be fine with just the small effort he had put in. Despite me knowing and believing that his bodyguard and his magic team were keeping alert eyes out for anything suspicious, somehow I didn't think that I would ever be satisfied as long as Patrick was still pursuing that career path. I knew it was what he loved to do, but would he be willing to sacrifice his life for it? Even if the entire U.S. Army were defending Patrick, I'm sure I would still be scared. I just loved him so much that the thought of losing him scared me to no end. I remembered how I felt when he was in that coma, and I didn't think I could go through that again.

Yet my thoughts went in another direction as well. If I loved him like I said I did, how could the part of me that wanted to keep him safe clash so badly with the part of me that wanted to see him happy? Would I be pushing him away if I did demand he stop performing? Would I lose him anyway because I took him away from his career? I felt like I was at an impossible crossroads. If he kept performing, and the person did end up killing him, I'd lose him, but if I demanded he stop performing, I'd lose him because he would not forgive me for ruining his life.

I was hopelessly annoyed at everything. Not even the perpetual outdoor fireplace served to quell my worries and sorrows. Suddenly I just wanted to flee my house. So I did, and I dialed Carisa's number, asking if she wanted to do something tonight. She eagerly replied that she would like to take me to a club because I sounded like I was feeling down.

I got ready for my outing with Carisa, then waited in the foyer for her because she was coming to pick me up. Patrick came by and gave me a hug, telling me to have fun with my friend, then walked away to another part of the house. Not long after that, Carisa arrived, and we were off. She took me to Pulse, where I was immediately greeted with loud music and neon lights. Carisa ordered us some nachos, and we sat down to eat together.

"So, chica, what's bugging you?"

As Carisa and I had hung out more, we had come to like each other, and I had gotten used to Carisa's opinionated nature. She was harmless, and she just wanted someone who would be her sounding board when she vented about things in her life.

"Someone's been threatening Patrick."

Carisa gasped and her eyes grew wide. She took another bite of her food and looked at me eagerly, as if she was waiting for some juicy gossip.

"He and I were leaving his magic show last night, and someone basically said too bad you didn't die the first time, watch your back."

"Wow. I am so sorry. Are you okay? That sounds really unsettling."

"Yeah, I'm fine, but I'm just worried. I'm scared for Patrick, and the worst part is, he doesn't seem to be taking it seriously. He thinks he'll be fine just because he increased security."

"Ugh. Men and their egos, huh? They think they know everything, and then when it all comes crashing down, that's when they realize."

"I don't know what to do. I mean, I know I can't force him to change his job."

"Why not?"

"Because I'll lose him. He loves that job."

"Yeah, but he loves you too, does he not?"

"Of course, but it's not the same thing. He can do what he loves, and still love me."

"True, but sometimes people have to do hard things for the ones they love. Sacrifice for their partner's happiness. If he loves you, he'll want to accommodate you."

"Shouldn't I want to accommodate him because I love him? Doesn't it go both ways?"

Carisa looked at me with a scowl on her features and raised her hands in the air, waving them around with purpose.

"To an extent. If one of the cases is a matter of life or death though, I think that one should be the priority. You have to keep your family safe. We as women, that's our instinctual nature, that's why you're worried about it more than he is. He needs a safer job! If he fights you on it, just tell him a little unhappiness as he adjusts to his new job is normal, he'll get over it, he's a big boy. It is after all, just a job."

By this point in the night, we had finished our food, so we ordered some more drinks and chit chatted about the other things in our lives, Mikayla and Armand, her husband, and some gossip that was passing around the neighborhood and school.

"What do you think I should do, Carisa? Do you really think I should ask Patrick to change his job? I can't help but shake the feeling that he'll be super mad at me."

"Yeah, I do. If that boy loves you, he'll show you through his actions. He needs to stop being selfish. It's true he has his own protection, but he shouldn't expect you to live tormented for the rest of your life, worried that every time he goes to work he might die? I don't blame you for wanting security, it's a natural human instinct to want to feel safe, otherwise we just get paranoid, and that's no way to live."

Carisa and I ordered some Cosmopolitans and wandered around the game area of the club to check out what there was to play. We found a pool table with a backlit playing surface instead of the typical felt, and decided to play a round.

"Really good break, babe!"

"Thank you, Carisa."

Carisa smiled at me, and I was happy that for the first time in my life, other than Ephemera, I felt like I had a friend I was comfortable with. My worries had somewhat dissipated throughout the night, and the weight that was on my shoulders earlier seemed much lighter. I knew that the drinks I'd drunk and the force I was using to hit the pool balls were probably helping to release me from my inner turmoil as well as Carisa, but I was grateful that she had agreed to hang out with me tonight.

After our game, one song came on that Carisa really enjoyed, so I went out on the dance floor and danced with her. We were having a lot of fun until I felt someone hug me around my waist. He was nice, and he smelled good. I was a little past tipsy at this point but I was still sober enough to feel like it was wrong, especially since I didn't feel like the person was Patrick sneaking up on me.

"Hey, baby, can I have this dance?"

"Um..."

I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to be rude, since this guy wasn't rubbing up on me or being vulgar at all, but I wanted to tell him I was married so he didn't get the wrong idea. Another guy went up to Carisa, whom I'm guessing was his friend, and she rubbed up on him with no hesitation. Carisa continued to shock me even though I had now been friends with her for a while. I looked over at her with a glance that appeared to say 'help me.'

"Oh Katya, quit being a prude! It's not like you have to sleep with him if you don't want. Watch me. Hey, guy, you're cute, I love this sexy dance we're doing, but I'm married, so this is all you're getting, okay?"

"All right, lady knows what she wants. I can respect that."

"See? Your turn Katya. Tell the guy dancing with you what you want."

I tried to be brave, although I still felt like him touching me, even around my waist, was wrong.

"Um, I'm married, so I don't want to lead you on. Nothing can happen with us. I suppose if you would like to dance with me just for tonight, that would be okay, but I don't want to cheat on my husband, okay?"

"Sounds fine with me. I'm just out for a night on the town, to dance with some pretty girls, I'm not looking to do anything devastating to anyone."

I turned my head briefly and looked at the guy for the first time. He was handsome, with blonde hair and blue eyes. I can't deny he wasn't sexy with the way his shirt fell open around his chest, but I loved Patrick. It didn't matter that the guy was attractive because I loved my husband. Carisa, however, was letting the guy's friend touch her butt and upper thigh. It was too much for me. I didn't know what made me continue to dance with him, maybe it was because he continued to remain polite, maybe it was from Carisa's nonchalant peer pressure attitude that she always forced on me, maybe it was even because I was a little drunk, but I did know that I wasn't entirely happy in my family life, and perhaps it was that which was making me continue dancing with the blonde. I knew that nothing would happen between me and the handsome stranger, and that Carisa and I would go home without the boys, but I also knew that I would never tell Patrick about this part of my night.